Update:

I'm still alive.

I wish I could be more forthcoming on this blog. It might be more interesting to read if I was. All I can really tell you is that life is pretty great right now. I have gotten over a really rough patch with dh and with my self worth. I am able to look at the world and other things in a more positive light. I have gotten great amounts of perspective by reading other people's blogs and seeing how much worse their lives are treating them and the grace and positive attitudes that they are handling it with. It's given me a much needed swift kick in the ass.

I think I am moving on. Not from my blog but from my need to dissect my religion. I have come to terms with it and I am comfortable around TBM people again. I can read their words and their beliefs without wanting to bang my head against the wall. I just remember that it is how they believe, it's their right to believe it and I don't take it personally. I am sure I will still have moments of wanting to bang my head into the wall in the future but those times are getting fewer and fewer. Also, I have been doing my best to steer clear of religious talk and just talk about other aspects of life. Some of my TBM friends have surprised me lately with how silly, funny, sarcastic, and yeah, sometimes a little raunchy, that they can be. Of course for the really "fun" talk I still need my DAMU friends so I'll be back!!

Seriously bored so I think I will vent a little!

It's Friday night. Dh is asleep. The kids are asleep. I am wide awake and so fucking bored! And in a swearing mood apparently.

I am not sure what I expected. I am married with kids. For me anyway, that means staying home a lot more than I did when I was single. Most of the time I don't mind but then there are days when I feel like if I don't get out of the damn house my head is going to explode. If it wasn't snowing so much I would just drive somewhere. I don't know where exactly but anywhere is better than home.

Is it terrible that sometimes I long for my single days when I carried a real purse, not a diaper bag? When I could leave the house on a whim without worrying if I had enough diapers, a change of clothes for the baby, the stroller, toys for the baby, ear plugs to block out the whining of the older two kids. When I could go out dancing from 10 at night until God knows when. Yep, I admit it, I sometimes miss my single days. You know what else I miss? Sex outside of marriage. There was something exciting about "doing it" when you weren't supposed to. Dh and I were little horn dogs! I still love our sex life but that "we aren't supposed to be doing this" excitement is gone and I kind of miss it.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my daughters and hubby more than anything. Sometimes they are the ONLY things that make me smile. I just sometimes feel like the mom and wife parts of me took over and the woman parts of me are lying dormant somewhere way back in my mind. I started wearing my contact lenses again and bought some new lipstick so I can start renewing my outward appearance. Once I am done nursing I will hit VS so I can get a sexy bra to wear instead of a "functional" bra. I also need to make time to get my hair cut and styled by a professional. Not by me when I decide to trim the split ends. I think I will be embarrassed when the stylist sees how I have butchered my hair but I am going to go to a salon anyway.

I need to work on my emotional well being too. I feel like I have been kicked in the head a lot in the past few weeks. It's amazing the kind of negativity you get from people you thought were your friends when they find out who you are voting for. I don't do that to people. I don't understand why anyone would vote for a couple of the people running but I don't go around degrading them and questioning their intelligience. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I figure that they have read something about their candidate that they liked and shared some viewpoints and that's why they are voting for them. I wish they would extend the same courtesy towards me. Instead I get the "Oh you must not know what he stands for, if you really listened to him you would see that he has no substance". Shut the fuck up! I don't vote for people without reading up on them to see what they are about and to see if that meshes with what I am about. I don't go eeny meeny miney moe. I have felt talked down to and it's really pissing me off. Just because I don't agree with you(a general you there) doesn't mean that I am not informed. Seriously why are people like that? I just don't get it.

Then there are some issues happening with one of my sisters. She is going through a divorce and so far it's not pretty. I feel so bad for her and wish I could be there in person to help support her but I am stuck all the way up here while she is down in Ewtah. I am so frustrated!

Okay, I think that's enough for now.

Venting is fun!! :)

I hate snow....

Try moving from a tropical climate to a wintery climate some time. It's loads of fun. Actually, I hate it. I remember why I hate winter now. I feel like I have been living in a snow globe for the past month. I am feeling a little claustrophobic. I guess this is what people mean when they say they have the winter blahs.

The only thing saving me is the really cool 47 inch LCD-HD television we just bought. After viewing programs on our little dinky 27 inch for 10 years I feel like I am in a freakin movie theater!! You have not lived until you have seen Hitler and his minions doing the Nazi salute in HiDef and on a big screen. It's like you were there and close enough to beat the living shit out of him. Dh was watching a documentary on the Hitler Regime last night. Yeah, he's weird.

Damn, the baby is crying. I guess I better go be a mom.

Nothing new

I haven't written in awhile so I thought I would update.

There's nothing new. Haven't had anymore contact from the ward here. Haven't done anything particularly fun lately. The only things that could even be of interest are things I can't talk about because it would be a dead give away to the real me.

Sorry this blog is such a snoozer! Check out the blogs on my blog list. They are much more interesting. Seriously.....

I wish...

I wish....

*I could have a pina colada.
*That Tums actually worked.
*That Ros's flight plans didn't get changed, DAMN!!!
*I had a computer with internet access in my fucking living room!!
*That evil dick from VTech had stayed in S. Korea or something! Man.....
*The shrub had never been elected! Not my fault! I voted democrat both times!!
*My extended family lived closer.
*I could go to a NOM/Ex-mo get together sometime.
*I had a Porche Boxster.
*I had paid attention when my mom tried to teach me how to cook.
*It would start raining so I wouldn't have to take my girls to the park when I am done at the library.(that's kind of mean of me I know)
*All my friends and family had good health and tons of happiness.
*I could find decent maternity clothes that are also cheap! Hahahahahahahaha, that ain't never gonna happen!


Finally, I wish people were just plain more tolerant of other people's lifestyles and ideas. I mean is it really that hard? I just don't get it.

Why? And other random thoughts.

Why do people drive so damn slow. The speed limit is forty-fucking-five, not 2! Ugh!!! I guess I can answer that in one word....Cellphones! Get off the damn phone and drive!!!

I hate driving in Miami. I swear they are worse here than anywhere I have ever lived so far. Worse than S. CA and yes, worse than Utah.

Since I can't get my regular exmo/nom fix will that drive me back to the church out of sheer boredom?? God I hope not.

I had a dream last night that I went to a liquor store with my mom, who doesn't drink being a major TBM and all, but she was really interested in buying some rum to put in her coke. Well, we could only find dry rum(I don't know what that is either, it's just one of those wierd pregnant dreams afterall) but then Oprah pulled out this teeny tiney bottle of rum that cost 40 bucks and handed it to us. Thanks Oprah!! Wierd dream!!! This isn't my first dream about drinking something other than caffeinated beverages. I wonder what it all means?

I had the theme song from "Bosom Buddies" that old sitcom with Tom Hanks, in my head practically all night Friday night.
"I don't care what you say anymore this is my life!!!
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone!!"

Nice!!

Oh and TMI alert!!!! Read on only if you don't care that I am about to say something that really isn't anyone's business but it's interesting anyway. I have no secrets!(heehee)

Did you know that pregnant women's genitalia can swell during pregnancy and it will make sex even more pleasurable? I found that out recently. What a nice discovery it was. I hope I didn't wake anyone. :)

Okay bye.

I'm nice!

Even though I feel sick and tired. I gave into dh's request. I am the best wife ever!!!

I have to admit I had a good time! Rarrrrrrrrrrr...........!!!!!!

Nothing much.

Grouchiness is abundant in our home tonight.

I am grouchy because my kids tried to open their presents a week early. Then they went into the bedroom, after I threatened to take their presents back, and started jumping on the bed. So I went in there and yelled at them for jumping on the bed after I have told them like a million times not to. I told them they had to get off the bed and sit on the floor if they wanted to watch TV in there. The next thing I know my oldest comes running up to me telling me her little sister just spilled her chocolate milk on the bed. UGH!!!!! So I again yelled at them that they weren't supposed to be on the bed at all and certainly not with chocolate milk. Then a few minutes later, after I had cleaned up the spilled milk they come running to me because they saw a cockroach!! Now dh is grouchy because I made him kill it because I will not touch those vile things even if my hand was wrapped in plastic, had gloves on over the plastic and I had a mountain of tissue in my hand. I HATE them!!!! Gross!! Where did it come from. I try to keep my apartment clean. It must have come in to get away from the rain. I don't know but now I will have trouble sleeping tonight and that means I will be grouchy again tomorrow.

The only people happy in our home are the kids who keep singing "Jingle Bell Rock" without getting the words right. Why are they happy? I just yelled at them like 3 times!! Either they have short memories or are very easy-going, forgiving girls.

******TMI ALERT******
Dh is going to want to do "something" tonight but I am NOT in the mood. He got some last night, that should hold him for a few days right? He's lucky he got any at all this weekend. I have not felt very romantic lately what with wanting to barf all the time. Plus I am grouchy from having kids that didn't want to listen today. He's gonna have to bribe me or something. Not sure with what though. We are broke until January. And it doesn't make me a hooker to want compensation! Or does it! Not sure I care.

I hate this part of being pregnant. Usually I am always up for sex. I just don't feel like me right now. I just feel like this vehicle for some parasite to suck the life out of me. I promise I will love my baby. It's just easier to love it for the miracle it is when the nausea part goes away. I told dh that if he wants another kid he better figure out how to carry it. I said that last time too and lookey where I am now.

Sorry this post is one big ramble but that really shouldn't surprise anyone. Rambling on and on is what I do best! Besides it's been one of those day!!

Kit Kats

Man I love Kit Kats! Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar!!

Sorry, but for some reason eating this Kit Kat has put me in a good, kinda silly, mood.

Finally..

I finally found something I can eat without gagging. Blue, bubblegum flavored, popsicles. We bought some today. Well they came in a variety pack with strawberry, banana, and green apple flavors. The bubblegum ones are especially delicious! Yum!!

Dh gets a kick out of watching me eat them. I wonder why...... ;)

What to write, what to write.

I can't seem to think of anything to write about. I am sure everyone is sick of me talking about my pregnancy. I know it seems like such a mormon thing to do. Well, I actually know non-mormons who talk about nothing but kids and pregnancy, if they happen to be pregnant so I know mormon women don't have a monopoly on talking unceasingly on those topics.

Honestly though, I just don't have all that much to write about. I guess I could come here and complain about some annoyance but I really just want to think positive thoughts right now. I am getting kind of sick of all the negativity I have been reading lately. Sometimes I just want to shake people and say "Lighten Up!!!" I even have to say that to myself sometimes. Luckily with the pregnancy(sorry) my PMS has disappeared so I don't have that PMS depression I usually get every month so my outlook has been a lot brighter lately. It's nice not feeling useless, paranoid, sad, angry, hysterical and negative for a whole week every month.And the migraines! Good riddance to those for 9 months too!!I wish that would disappear forever and not come back when my periods do. I guess I'll see then!!

So I am not sure when I will write again. Could be tomorrow, could be two days from now, or it could even be a week from now. I hope it's not too long. I really enjoy writing my thoughts.

Just a bunch of random thoughts

-The fridge is too cold. I just got a diet dr pepper out of there that had slush in it. I had to squeeze it to get it out of the can into a glass. I need to go turn the fridge down, except I like my milk really, really cold or I can't drink it. Ah, I'll just leave it.

-Today is Saturday. We need to go get groceries but I am waiting for my husband who went to pick up our computer from the shop. I wonder if it is really fixed this time. It for fucks sake better be.

-I still wouldn't mind keeping this loaner computer for awhile. That way dh and I wouldn't have to share one computer. At least we have the rest of the weekend.

-Last night I folded laundry to the awesome sounds of Green Day. My daughters loved it, they were jumping all over the room. They love Green Day!

-It's Veteran's Day. Thanks to all our men and women who are out their risking their lives for us. It sucks that it has to be in this war in Iraq but I really admire them so much. Thanks to my Grandpa who served back in WWII and to my dad who served in Vietnam. I am so glad they both made it home. Otherwise I wouldn't be here right now.

-I am so happy that the holiday season is almost here. I can already smell the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. I don't know what we are going to do for Thanksgiving since I can't really cook. We'll figure something out.

-I have to postpone my foray into the world of alcohol for awhile. What am I going to do with the beer in the fridge. Will it last 9 months?

-Yeah, I am pregnant. Barely. Due July 20th. Having major mixed feelings about it. Everything will be okay. FYI, condoms don't always work.