Paranoia has set in

Just like every other time I was preggo. Every twinge scares me into thinking I am miscarrying. Even though this wasn't "planned", I don't want to lose it. As soon as the shock wears off I know I will be so excited. I have wanted this for a long time. I have felt the old biological clock just a ticking away. It was getting extremely loud and I was trying so hard to ignore it. Looks like my body took matters into it's own hands!!

Hey, Home Alone is on. I love this movie. I remember when I was a kid wishing I would get the whole house to myself. I wouldn't have to share the remote, I could eat all the cookies, the bathroom would always be free, I could play my music as loud as I wanted. It seemed like such a great idea. Hey sometimes I still want that. Every once in awhile dh will give that to me. He will take the girls to the beach or to the park and I will stay at home by myself for several blissful hours.

So why the hell am I having another kid. If the ones I already have sometimes make me want to pull my hair out. Honestly, because there are way more good times than bad. I wouldn't be normal if I loved being a mom all the time because sometimes I do long for those childless days. Back when I could just get up and go without having to pack a bag full of diapers, wipies and snacks. I never even used to carry a purse now I have this satchel that I have to take everywhere. Back when I could listen to music with swear words in it and I didn't have to wait until after bedtime to watch the "good" R-rated movies. But most of the time I am so incredibly happy these wonderful, funny, interesting ,little girls are in my life. They are hard to stay mad at, all they have to do is start singing the alphabet song or dance around wildly to Green Day and I forget I am mad. It is so fun to watch them discover the world. Yeah, I can't wait to have another one. Now that it is happening(barring some sad tragedy) I am a little freaked out but excited all the same!