My husband and I were talking about how fake a lot of mormons can be when befriending nonmembers. He had an experience back in the Morg where he thought he had made friends with this guy who was a mormon. They hung out together and he had my hubby over for dinner and just seemed to want to be friends with my husband. That is until my husband refused to have the missionary discussions. Then this "friend" was suddenly unavailable. After that dh started hanging out with the Muslim guys he tutored in Math. Let's just say he was pretty surprised when I not only stuck around as his friend but fell in love with him and married him. While I was semi-active in the church for the first 4 years we were married he had a hard time believing anyone from church was sincere in their motives for friendship. I don't blame him one bit. After hearing his experiences I was also very doubtful.
As for me I think when I went to church I was pitied. "Oh there's the poor woman who's husband isn't a member. I think I will share my dh with her in the Celestial Kingdom" Okay maybe no one thought the last little bit but I did get a lot of sympathetic looks, especially during the "eternal families" discussions or talks....whatever! A few times I was offered someone's husband as a surrogate priesthood holder. "If you need a blessing Brother 'Oh So Perfect' would be glad to offer one". I know they were well meaning but sheesh! As if my hubby's prayers or my OWN for that matter weren't as valuable as a priesthood holders. BUG!!!!! As far as friendships with these women, forget about it. They were my friends in church settings only. I had one friend who did try. We went sight-seeing in L.A. together and to the beach a few times. But then she and her dh seperated and she moved back to Utah so that ended. As it turns out she didn't give me another thought back in "mormonland" she even remarried and never sent me an announcement even though she had my address which was the same the entire time we lived in CA. She came to visit one weekend and didn't call. I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. I really thought she was my real friend. Silly me!! I think I was just a diversion from her crappy marriage. "I'll go hang out with the poor inactive girl, her life has to be more screwed up than mine"
Anyway, now that I am inactive for good, I don't worry about making friends with LDS women. I have a few from the internet and that is ALL I need on that end.
4 comments:
Do you know that we came sorta close to maybe possibly meeting?
I was arranging some flights for business travel and was scheduled to have a 7 hour layover in/near your city. I was so excited. I was going to contact you and see if you wanted to hang out for a few hours/go to lunch. Sadly, my flight was changed and now I have a layover in Atlanta. Sigh.
That is a huge bummer! I would have loved hangin out with you for awhile! Man that just sucks!
"sigh"
I can totally relate to your treatment as that woman at church to be pitied because *SIIIGH* she's married to a non-member. It's pathetic. And were you ever blindsided by some teacher in Relief Society asking for your input or opinion since you are one of the ones married to a non-member? Ugh.
:) It'd be fun to chat about this sometime.
No I never had anyone ask for my input since I was married to a nonmember. Maybe if I would have went to church more often......hmmmm
I would love to chat sometime. I'll let you know when we get a computer in my home.
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