I don't think that I will ever tell my parents and siblings about my disaffection from the Mormon church. They have never done anything to hurt me and I am not about to tell them something that will hurt them to their very cores. I have thought a lot about it and I just can't do it. I have heard a lot about how they react is their own problem and not my responsibility but I think that is a very selfish way to think about people like my family who have never done anything but love and support me. They do not deserve the pain it will bring. Nothing I could ever tell them would make them think it's not a big deal. I know they would never get over it and that it would bring them a lot of pain and it is not in me to do that to them. They would still love me of course but the would see their dreams of an Eternal family with all of their children and grandchildren slipping away. I may not believe all that insanity but they do and because they do I am keeping my new found "wisdom" to myself. These are the kind of people my family are:
When I told my parents that I was marrying a non-member they said as long as I was happy they were happy for me. They love my husband like he was one of their own birth children. When one of my older brothers brought home a stripper and her 2 year old daughter and announced that they wanted to get married my parents welcomed them into their home and their lives and considered the little 2 year old their grandchild. When they found out that brother had done things that are unacceptable to church standards of morality they took him in their arms and told him how much they loved him and always would. My brother and the stripper soon broke up and my parents were there to soften the blow. When my little sister wrote them a letter telling them she was pregnant by her boyfriend they also took her into their arms and told her they loved her and that they would love their grandchild and everything would turn out okay. My parents have consistently shown that they have unconditional love for their children and I have no doubts that that would continue if I told them about me. That's not the problem. I just don't think it's necessary to hurt these wonderful people when I don't believe it bring any positive things to my life or theirs. That old saying ignorance is bliss comes to mind. As well as "What they don't know, won't hurt them"
I realize there might come a time when it might have to come out, like my kids 8th birthdays or if we ever moved back to Utah where they are and where they know people who might tattle on me. But the moving back to Utah thing is highly unlikely and I am planning to use the old stand by of letting my kids decide when they are 18 if they want to be baptized. I think I can make a good arguement on that front. Here's hoping anyway.
4 comments:
I think there's an interesting distinction between telling people you don't follow the rules, and telling people you don't believe. Somehow for Mormons it seems that its better to believe and sin, than to not believe at all, and not feel guilty. Considering their doctrine on heaven and salvation, I think this is messed up. At least the never-believers get a second chance, right?
So true. If I had a nickel for everytime I heard "They broke their baptism or temple convenants they are in big trouble" type stuff I would be a rich woman. But I never went through the temple so nothing broken there and I don't really count my baptism at 8, I barely remember it and seriously doubt I made an informed decision when I was 8.
My family found out when my mom point-blank asked me if I was going to church anymore, and I couldn't lie. I've never been a good liar. Then I just told them "My path is taking me away from the church right now." I never gave them the blow of "I don't believe a thing JS ever said! I'm never going back!" That, I feel, is just unnecessary.
Yeah, if I ever tell them I will try really hard not to be mean about it. They already know I am inactive. They just don't know to what extent. They definitly don't know it's from a lack of belief!
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