Up all Night!!

I can't sleep. I know it has nothing to do with the diet dr pepper I am drinking right now. Shut up I'm thirsty! It was either that or a Mike's Hard Lemonade. Shit, maybe that's what I should have chosen. It is summertime after all. There isn't any better time to drink an ice cold bottle of liquored up lemonade.
I am sitting her typing in my pajama pants with the hearts all over them and my cami top. My mormon friends would be freakin out right now. "you aren't supposed to show your shoulders" Even when I am going to bed? In the privacy of my own home? When I don't believe that shit? I don't wear G's. I never have. They said that even if you don't wear G's you should still dress like you do. Ummm. Nope. It is 90 degrees here with 90 percent humidity. I don't want to mess up my sleeved(is that a word?) clothes with massive amounts of sweat. I swear sometimes I just want to smack them upside the head and ask "What the HELL is the matter with you?" But I don't. I just pick up my Cosmo and my diet dr pepper and turn off the computer. All my friends are online. I go to mormonchic.com. I know I should be way past all that. It's a true guilty pleasure of mine. I really like most of the women over there. They are funny and they have been nice to me even though I am so NOT in the same place in regard to Mo'ism that they are. There are two or three there that really get on my nerves. Molly mormons personified and they are proud to be referred to as mollies. Whatever. Well, when if first started posting over there I was trying to come back to the mormon church. Sort of giving it one last go. But it is just not a good religion for me and my family to be a part of. Because:
-I think Joseph Smith was a fraud and the polygamy revelation just a cover up for his adulterous behavior. Even though the current LDS church doesn't practice polygamy, we are still told it will be practiced in the celestial kingdom. I'd rather take my chances in a lower kingdom, not that I even believe in the 3 kingdoms anymore.
-The church's racist past. It hasn't been addressed or taken resposibility for in a way that makes me want to expose my biracial children and black husband to it. My husband has heard from me about the racist aspects and want nothing to do with the church.
-The church is sexist. If my girls want to be ministers(bishops) then they should be able to. Why do they think you need a penis to preach the word of God or minister unto people. Plus I don't want my daughters thinking that the only acceptable lifestyle for them is that of wife and mothers. It's okay if that's what they want but only after they get a good education and a job so that they can support themselves ALWAYS!!!!
-The church's treatment of homosexuals. They want that stupid marriage amendment. First they tell us to vote our consciense then they tell us to vote theirs. Sorry, if gay men and women want to marry their partners then they should be able to. I am so sick of them being treated like second class citizens. It makes me incredibly sad.
-I hate that we have to follow the prophet blindly. That they say when he speaks the thinking has been done. God gave us brains, I think that means he or she, expects us to use them. Plus I think I am quite capable of deciding what is and is not appropriate for my family and if I have any questions I will go directly to God. I don't need an go-between.
-All the things I have been learning about DNA and the BoM, The BoA, MMM, kinderhook plates, gees the list goes on and on. The temple ceremony pre-1990. That is some weird shit. It would have totally freaked me out if I had gone there at that time. Even now, it still seems a little weird. My outdoor wedding seems far superior to me. I also think it's silly to have a special kind of underwear. Why is that anyone's business. I'll take my hanes bras and panties any day. Oh and Victoria Secret's if I ever can afford that place, well to buy things other than body lotions.
I am not one to debate any of this stuff I have mentioned. I am a live and let live sort of person. If you want to believe in the church great, go ahead, if it makes you happy and you can put up with all the intolerance or at least buy all the justifications for it. Cool. I have many family members who believe and I love them to pieces. They are great people. I can't talk to them about my "awakening" but hey, there's other stuff to talk about. But as for me and my family, we will be looking for another way to worship God. That may be just by going camping, or sitting at the beach, or reading the Bible and praying. I think it will be so fun and interesting to go in search of a spirituality that suit us. One that will make us better people. One that accepts all people.