Ramblings of a SAHM

It's Here When I Need It

2009-04-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

I doubt anyone even checks this blog anymore. I wasn't even sure I would remember my sign in for it. I thought for awhile about shutting it down since I rarely have anything to say about the church because other than when I catch up on exmo blogs and MB's or talk to my tbm family and friends, I rarely even think of the church.

But...I think I need it now.

First, nothing has changed. I still don't believe and my TBM family still doesn't know. Though things on that front will probably come to a head sooner or later because I don't think I can keep dodging my mom' s questions about when I am going back to church much longer. I will explode or she will get up the guts to ask me directly how I feel about the church. At this point I really don't think I could lie. I have this gut feeling that they know something is amiss but just don't want to know. Denial and all that good stuff. I mean, what could they be thinking? That I am so shy that I don't want to go to church by myself. Please, I have done it before. It wasn't all that hard. Why didn't I chime in when my nevermo dh was asking questions about church stuff and kind of baiting my parents last summer? Surely they wondered why I wasn't more vocal. I just sat there listening and saying nothing. Oh except once I said "He knows how I feel". But that meant something different to them than it did to dh and me.

Then the whole Prop 8 thing has really made me angry. I wanted to resign over it. But there is no way I could do that if there was even a smidgen of a chance my parents would find out. Prop 8. I haven't said much about it since before the election. I signed for something and I felt really great about it and I was so sure that all of our signatures and stories would help. I risked being found out by signing that. I didn't care. Then we lost and my TBM family and friends cheered and felt sure that God was on their side. The side of righteousness and all I could think was, why are you all cheering for something as despicable as treating fellow human beings like shit. I am still pissed about it. My family doesn't know how I feel about it. I am sure they would think I had sold my soul to the devil if they knew how vehemently I opposed Prop H8. So I just keep quiet. Other than the huge disagreements I got into with TBM friends online. They thought I had taken the popularity route. Whatever, I was the ONLY one on some of those boards who was against prop 8. Yeah, that made me REAL popular. It's hard being the only one against something. On one board I had people telling me that I shouldn't be mormon if I felt that way. (they didn't know that I am an apostate). They told me I was going against God. They told me I was supporting evil. C'mon!! Yeah, TBM's aren't nice people when you aren't agreeing with them. They can get downright nasty.

So after all that(not to mention all the Obama hate from TBMs and their, "Quick, grab your guns because the end of the world is here" nonsense, which I won't get into because I have rambled too long as it is), I really, REALLY do NOT want to be mormon anymore. It is so the opposite of who I am now that the very THOUGHT of being mormon is just so foreign to me. I think I finally see that religion the way I used to see other religions while I was LDS. Not. For. Me.

Then I get an email from my mom telling me she hopes some of my neighbors are LDS so I can make friends at church and start attending again. That was 2 weeks ago. I completely ignored that email. She asked my sister to ask me why I hadn't responded to her email. So I dashed off a quick email, totally ignoring what she had asked me in her email. How long can I keep dodging this?

Sometimes I think it would be easier if my TBM family were jerks. Then I wouldn't care about hurting them. But I don't want to hurt them. I just don't have it in me. Because I am not an evil, uncaring apostate. I am their daughter and sister. I am the same person I always was. I still have a great sense of humor, I still cry easily over movies, books, and music, I am still the champion of the underdog, I even still believe in God. Why won't that be good enough for them? It is for everyone else on the planet.

This is so long and rambling and I doubt it makes any sense.

All I can say is thank God I have my husband to vent to or I probably would have exploded by now. And not in a way that opens the line of communication with my family but in a way that would cause hurt feelings and resentment on both sides. There is no way I would get any kind of understanding from my family if I just blew up at them.

The next couple of years should be interesting. That's how long I give me before I finally breakdown and fess up. I might start dropping hints here and there. If I can think of some that are subtle enough not to bring the wrath of my dad down on me. I love my dad but he does NOT like it when I (or any of us) disagree with him. He takes it very personal and, well, let's just say, I had to get my temper from somewhere!

So my hopes for the future are:
~Gay marriage legalized EVERYWHERE!
~A resignation
~Understanding from TBM family and friends.
~Hell freezing over because that is what it will take for the understanding from TBM family and friends to happen.

Okay, I am done not making sense for now. Until the next time I need to vent.

What a Rush!!

2008-09-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

A week or so ago I signed the "Sign For Something" petition. With my real name and my real location. That was easy.

Today, I wrote a letter to go along with it. That wasn't so easy. I wanted to convey how I feel about the church's involvement in Prop 8. I wanted to do it in a clear and concise way. I wanted to be articulate and really drive my point home. I think I just ended up rambling away like I usually do.

FYI, I think the church should stay out of politics like they are supposed to being politically neutral and all. I included that thought in my letter as well as some things a little more personal, like comparing gay marriage to interracial marriage. 30 years ago and beyond, my marriage was seen the way a lot of people see gay marriage now. I can put myself in their shoes.

Anyway, I used my real name and location for the letter too. I don't know if anything will happen to me because of it. All I know is that I just can't sit idley by any longer and watch my fellow U.S. citizens rights being denied. Let the chips fall where they may, I'm ready. Bring it on.

Just 'Cause(and rawrrrrrrr)

2008-08-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

I just want to bite him.

WTF?

2008-08-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

Just as I finished typing that last entry, guess who knocked at my door????

Missionairies. I told them I wasn't going to church tomorrow. They asked why, I said I didn't want to.

I feel bad. Oh well.

STFU!!!

2008-08-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

My husband is not cursed. My kids are not cursed. NOBODY is cursed! Except me for having to hear that drivel. Gah!!

How You Doin??

2008-08-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

I am back from my hiatus. In the interest of my anonymity I won't be going into details of what I did while I was gone, that would surely give me away to anyone I know who might stumble onto this blog, I will say that I had a great time with family, even though I was right smack in the middle of all things mormon. It wasn't too bad, I was able to take everything with a grain of salt and a small smirk.

I was aware of that big old pink elephant in the room though because it seems my family all think I still have a wonderful testimony of the gospel and am just waiting patiently until my dh gets one too so that we can finally go to the temple and be sealed as a family for time and all eternity. They actually said that to my dh. I just winked at him. It does hurt my heart that I can't be completely honest with them but I. Just. Can't. One good thing is that we told them that our girls won't be getting baptized at age 8 because we want it to be their decision and we don't think they will know enough then. They seemed okay with that mostly because I think they are sure that when the time comes, if I finally take them to primary, they will be all for being baptized when they turn 8. Not gonna happen but at least they won't be completely shocked when it doesn't happen like that.

So, if anyone is reading this, I hope you all are having a great summer! Mine was wonderful. I am a little sad that my time with my family has ended but I will be okay.

Going on hiatus

2008-06-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

Though it may seem like I already have since I haven't posted in well over a month, I am going on an internet hiatus. For 2 reasons. One is because the fans on this computer need to be fixed and second is because I will be in Utah for over a month and even if I find time to go online I won't be going to any DAMU websites or this, my secret blog since I would be using my parent's computer.

To tell the truth, I am kind of glad for the break. I have been feeling a little out of place online lately. I am living in two different worlds, the world of TBM friends and the world of exmo friends. I am having trouble fitting in in both places. It's nobody's fault but my own. For some reason lately, I have been having a lot of trouble expressing my thoughts and feelings. I don't feel smart enough in some cases. I don't feel pious enough in other cases. It's really weird to be me right now. Not good or bad, just weird. Does that make sense? It's hard because I really want to fit in but have serious doubts that I can. Story of my life actually!

So, to anyone who reads this blog. I will miss you and I hope you will be here when I get back. I will be back. Maybe with a new perspective, who knows.

Nothing to say

2008-04-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

Life is same old, same old. Nothing new to report. Just saying I am still alive.

Where does the time go?

2008-04-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I posted anything. Not that it matters.

Life is pretty boring right now. I will take that over cruel though. It seems Spring has finally arrived here in the form of rain. I have heard that it might still snow before April is over but hopefully that won't be anything huge.

I have a sitemeter thingie(Technical I know) and I see that quite a few people do visit my blog. It seems I am popular with the SAHM crowd. So I just want to say to those who visit my blog, would ya please just say hi or something? I mean, what's the point of having a public blog if no one reads it. I get great comments on my private blog and I would LOVE to see some on here. Nice ones though. Because if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Hmmmm, I think I know why no one comments now. I seem to have answered my own question.

Carry on!

Cool Find!!

2008-03-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

Buy it. Use it. LOVE it!

Because of birth control pills and nursing, I haven't been myself down in the nether regions. On a friends recommendation(who knew TBMs could be so knowledgeable) I bought this to try out with dh. Let's just say an AWESOME time was had by all!

To my neighbors: Sorry for all the noise!!

They'll never see that apology but who cares!!

Update:

2008-03-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive.

I wish I could be more forthcoming on this blog. It might be more interesting to read if I was. All I can really tell you is that life is pretty great right now. I have gotten over a really rough patch with dh and with my self worth. I am able to look at the world and other things in a more positive light. I have gotten great amounts of perspective by reading other people's blogs and seeing how much worse their lives are treating them and the grace and positive attitudes that they are handling it with. It's given me a much needed swift kick in the ass.

I think I am moving on. Not from my blog but from my need to dissect my religion. I have come to terms with it and I am comfortable around TBM people again. I can read their words and their beliefs without wanting to bang my head against the wall. I just remember that it is how they believe, it's their right to believe it and I don't take it personally. I am sure I will still have moments of wanting to bang my head into the wall in the future but those times are getting fewer and fewer. Also, I have been doing my best to steer clear of religious talk and just talk about other aspects of life. Some of my TBM friends have surprised me lately with how silly, funny, sarcastic, and yeah, sometimes a little raunchy, that they can be. Of course for the really "fun" talk I still need my DAMU friends so I'll be back!!

Feeling Better

2008-02-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

Mentally and emotionally anyway. I now have a stupid stomach bug that just won't go away. I think I have a bunch of Kindergarteners to thank. My dd brought home the bug about a week ago and we've all had it now. Even the baby got a little of it. For some reason it's lagging on me a lot longer than it did them. It's getting on my nerves. I am a very whiny sick person. You can imagine what my family has had to put up with!

I am so ready for Spring. We got about 8 inches of pure evil, I mean snow, yesterday. I hate it. It's only pretty for like 5 seconds and then I remember that because of my fear of driving in the snow, I am stuck in the house. I guess I should get off my ass and do all the cleaning I have been putting off all week. Okay, I have been sick so I have and excuse. I'm still sick but I need to vacuum.

Gee don't ya wish you were a SAHM! My life is so exciting!! Bring on the Rum!! It's funny when I was a working mom I was desperate to be a SAHM. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side of the argument.

If you want to know a secret, I still would rather be a SAHM. I realize that makes me a little backward but I can live with that! What I can't live with is going to work every day to a job I hate which is what I was doing before I made the switch. It would have been different if I had loved my job and trusted other people with my babies. I would so be a working mama right now! Alas I trust no one and I need to go back to school to get any job worth having so until I can do that, here I sit, with my wonderful dds, trying(and failing) to be June Cleaver. Hey I never said I was the perfect SAHM, I just said I liked it.

If you are wondering just what kind of SAHM I am here's little description:
~I cook........really bad food. Okay so I do make a mean lasagna but that takes a lot of time so I only make that every once in awhile. Hey it's been a while, maybe I will make that next week.
~I clean........at my leisure. But when I do clean I crank the stereo and really get this place sparkling!
~I do laundry......a lot actually! We finally live in a place where we have our own laundry room and we just got the coolest front loading washing machine and it's matching dryer. It's kind of fun or at least it will be until the novelty wears off. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be excited about a washer and dryer purchase I would have told you you were fucking nuts!!
~I play games with my dds, I read to them, I rough house with them, I dance with them, I sing to them and with them(eesh), I count with them, we look for things that start with the letters of the alphabet.........I could go on and on. This last one is WHY I wanted to be home with my kids. Not the cooking, cleaning, and washing, but the hanging out with my girls, my favorite people in the world. Oh and the fact that I hated my job. Yeah that helped me want to do this too!

Sometimes I get a little lonely and feel a little isolated, which is normal! But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Life's too short, they're only this young for so long and every other cliche you can come up with.

Now seriously, bring on the Rum!!!

Seriously bored so I think I will vent a little!

2008-02-22T20:29:00.001-08:00

It's Friday night. Dh is asleep. The kids are asleep. I am wide awake and so fucking bored! And in a swearing mood apparently.

I am not sure what I expected. I am married with kids. For me anyway, that means staying home a lot more than I did when I was single. Most of the time I don't mind but then there are days when I feel like if I don't get out of the damn house my head is going to explode. If it wasn't snowing so much I would just drive somewhere. I don't know where exactly but anywhere is better than home.

Is it terrible that sometimes I long for my single days when I carried a real purse, not a diaper bag? When I could leave the house on a whim without worrying if I had enough diapers, a change of clothes for the baby, the stroller, toys for the baby, ear plugs to block out the whining of the older two kids. When I could go out dancing from 10 at night until God knows when. Yep, I admit it, I sometimes miss my single days. You know what else I miss? Sex outside of marriage. There was something exciting about "doing it" when you weren't supposed to. Dh and I were little horn dogs! I still love our sex life but that "we aren't supposed to be doing this" excitement is gone and I kind of miss it.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my daughters and hubby more than anything. Sometimes they are the ONLY things that make me smile. I just sometimes feel like the mom and wife parts of me took over and the woman parts of me are lying dormant somewhere way back in my mind. I started wearing my contact lenses again and bought some new lipstick so I can start renewing my outward appearance. Once I am done nursing I will hit VS so I can get a sexy bra to wear instead of a "functional" bra. I also need to make time to get my hair cut and styled by a professional. Not by me when I decide to trim the split ends. I think I will be embarrassed when the stylist sees how I have butchered my hair but I am going to go to a salon anyway.

I need to work on my emotional well being too. I feel like I have been kicked in the head a lot in the past few weeks. It's amazing the kind of negativity you get from people you thought were your friends when they find out who you are voting for. I don't do that to people. I don't understand why anyone would vote for a couple of the people running but I don't go around degrading them and questioning their intelligience. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I figure that they have read something about their candidate that they liked and shared some viewpoints and that's why they are voting for them. I wish they would extend the same courtesy towards me. Instead I get the "Oh you must not know what he stands for, if you really listened to him you would see that he has no substance". Shut the fuck up! I don't vote for people without reading up on them to see what they are about and to see if that meshes with what I am about. I don't go eeny meeny miney moe. I have felt talked down to and it's really pissing me off. Just because I don't agree with you(a general you there) doesn't mean that I am not informed. Seriously why are people like that? I just don't get it.

Then there are some issues happening with one of my sisters. She is going through a divorce and so far it's not pretty. I feel so bad for her and wish I could be there in person to help support her but I am stuck all the way up here while she is down in Ewtah. I am so frustrated!

Okay, I think that's enough for now.

Venting is fun!! :)

Long, long Meme/Survey

2008-02-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

I didn't read all of it before I decided to do this meme. It's probably stupid but since I am bored I will do it anyway and I will like it! So there!!

ARE YOU:

1. A Cuddler? Not really but dh is. That's kinda weird!!

2. A morning person? Not even close! I hate mornings.

3. Are you a perfectionist? Sometimes

4. An only child? No I have 7 siblings.

5. Catholic? Ummm, no.

6. In your pajamas? It's 3 in the afternoon! Of course I am in my pj's! (just kidding)

7. Currently suffering from a broken heart? No but it's kind of bruised.

8. Okay styling other people's hair? I can't even style my own hair. I do okay with my girls' hair but I have to otherwise their hair becomes very matted and so hard to comb without cutting it all off!

9. Left handed? No

10. Addicted to MySpace? No

11. Shy around the opposite gender? Not really.

DO YOU:

12. Bite your nails? If I'm hungry. ;)

13. Get paranoid at times? Who wants to know?

14. Currently regret something that you have said? Nothing I have said lately. I do regret telling my sister to fuck off when I was like 15 or 16 years old.

15. Curse frequently when you get mad? Oh yeah. It's frightening.(see number 14 too)

16. Enjoy country music? Not so much

17. Enjoy jazz music? Sometimes.

18. Enjoy smoothies? I haven't had one in awhile. It was okay I guess.

19. Enjoy talking on the phone? No. I especially hate it when I have to call people. I have a "calling people on the phone" phobia!

20. Have a lot to learn? So much to learn.

21. Have a pet? No I have enough trouble remembering to feed my kids! ;)

22. Have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" person? No

23. Have all your grandparents? No

24. Have at least one sibling? Yeah, I think I covered that earlier!!

25. Have been told that you are smart? Yes but that was by a dumb person.

26. Have a broken bone? No

27. Have Caller I.D. on your phone? Yes! It's a necessity!!

HAVE YOU:

28. Changed a diaper? I have 3 kids that pretty much makes me a diaper changing expert!(It's good to be an expert on SOMETHING!)

29. Changed a lot over the past year? Aside from going from being a mother of 2 to a mother of 3? Nah, I haven't changed much this past year.

30. Had friends who have never seen your natural hair colour? No I have never changed my natural hair color. It's always been this mousy brown color.

31. Had surgery?Yes, I had an appendectomy when I was 14 and my gall bladder removed back in 2005.

32. Killed another person? Seriously??? Of course not!!

33. Had your hair cut within the last week? No

34. Had the cops called on you? No

LAST PERSON WHO

1. Slept in your bed beside you? My baby. It was cold last night so I brought her in bed with me.

2. Saw you cry? No one. I cry at night when everyone is asleep.

3. Went to the movies with you? My sisters and my parents. Actually the last time I went to the movies I went by myself!!

4. You went to the mall with? My daughters. All 3 of 'em. By myself. We saw that they had takend McDonalds out of the mall. My girls were not pleased. Chaos ensued. I need a month to recover!

5. You went to out to a restaurant dinner with? My dh and dd's.

6. You talked on the phone? My husband

7. Made you laugh? Something I read on the internet.

WOULD YOU RATHER?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Neither. I toyed with the idea of piercing my eyebrow and belly button. Then I decided no one wants to see a pizza dough belly with a ring in it.

2. Be serious or be funny? I try to be funny. I like making people laugh.

3. Drink whole or skim milk? Skim

4. McDonald's or Wendy's? Wendy's

5. Punk or Goth? Neither. I went through a hip hop phase though.

ARE YOU..

1. Simple or complicated? So simple.

2. Gay? No. I think Halle Berry is hot though.

3. Hardcore? Hard core what?? Hard core Diet Dr Pepper drinker? Yep yep!! Hard core personality? Nah...

DO YOU PREFER. .

1. Flowers or candy? Flowers

2. Grey or black?Black

3. Color or Black and white photos? I like both types.

4. Lust or love? Both

5. Sunrise or sunset?Sunset

6. M&Ms or Skittles? M&Ms

8. Staying up late or waking up early?Staying up late. I hate mornings. I think I already mentioned that.

DO YOU PREFER...

1. Sun or moon? Moon

2. Winter or Fall? Fall. I hate winter!! Don't even get me started!!

3. Left or right?Whichever way leads me to the best chocolate!!

4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends?Two best friends

5. Sun or rain? A little of both. Can't appreciate one without the other!

6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Chocolate

7. Vodka or Jack? Yes

ABOUT YOU!

1. What time is it? Now it's 3:29

2. Name? Not telling.

3. Nickname(s): Regina Filangi, Diet Dr Pepper(DDP)

4. Where are you? My own little world.

5. What is your birthdate? 2 weeks ago.

6. What do you want? A new car.

7. Where do you want to live? Somewhere warm.

8. How many kids do you want? I don't know yet. I have 3 right now. It's a debate it my head every day whether we should go for a boy or not.

9. What would you want to name a girl? Flora, Fauna, and Merriweather. Not really but I am not about to say my girls' real names.

10. What would you want to name a boy? Capt. Jack Sparrow

11. You want to get married? I am married!!

1. Nervous Habits: Biting my nails, giggling, turning red...

2. Are you double jointed? No

3. Can you roll your tongue? Yes

4. Can you raise one eyebrow? Yes

5. Can you cross your eyes?Yes

6. Do you make your bed daily? No

8. Which shoe goes on first? I like to switch it up. Who cares anyway!

9. Ever thrown a shoe at someone?Yes and I wish I could throw one at somebody now!!

10. On the average, how much money do you carry with you?I usually have an empty wallet. So so sad.

11. What jewelry do you wear? Wedding ring, birthstone ring.

1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl

2. Have you ever ate a pound of SPAM? Gross. Come on! Who does that???

3. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate Chip Cookie dough.

4. How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet? 3 I think.

IN THE LAST MONTH, HAVE YOU? (YES OR NO)

1. Had a bf/gf? No

2. Bought something you didn't need? Yes

3. Sang in front of people? No

5. Been kissed: Oh yeah!!

6. Been hugged: Yes

7. Felt stupid: Oh hell. That's pretty much a daily occurence!

8. Missed someone:yes

9. Got drunk: I wish but I am still nursing.

10. Got high: Only on life!! ;)

11. Danced Crazy: Yes!

13. Cried: Yes

Meme time!!

2008-02-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

I saw this on Wry Catcher's blog. I will try to make it entertaining!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My dad's mistress. KIDDING!!!! I wasn't named after anyone. Actually I take that back, my middle name is from an aunt who has the same birthday as me.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Today. I am not telling why. It's too silly.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It's okay I guess.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey

5. HAVE YOU ANY CHILDREN? 3 girls. They rock!!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Definitely! I think I am pretty cool!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Never

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Not a fucking chance in hell.(I am keeping Wry's answer)

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cocoa Puffs. It's like eating candy for breakfast!!

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Only if they have shoelaces.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Sometimes. I have my weak moments.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Cookie dough

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? What they look like.

15. RED OR PINK? Pink(one of the few girly things about me, the others being that I like to wear make up, have babies and have sex with men and when I say men I mean dh of course!)

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My temper. It gets the better of me way too much.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO DO THIS MEME? Only if they want to. I am out of the business of pushing people to do what I want them to do. With the possible exception of my kids!! :)

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jeans and black shoes.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Spaghetti Alfredo(I was out of Fettuccini) and mixed veggies.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The voices in my head.

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Pasty white because I can't tan and stand out in my family!!

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Babies fresh from their baths, dh fresh from his shower, vanilla, chocolate chip cookies baking, campfire, fresh baked bread....

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE? Hubby

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU DO THIS STUPID MEME? Yes!! She is awesome!!

26. WHICH SPORT DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING MOST? The Summer Olympics. I can't wait until August!!

27. HAIR COLOR? Brown

28. EYE COLOR? Blue

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACT LENSES? Yes

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Coconut shrimp, pizza with mushrooms, chocolate, french fries, anything with a ton of fat and calories basically!

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I like both, it just depends on what kind of mood I am in.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Red

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Neither, I like Fall

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both(and then some from dh)

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Cake, cookies, brownies, ice cream, pie....

39. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING NOW? Nothing right now. I did just finish reading The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. Fascinating!!

40. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have a mouse pad.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Wife Swap. Shut up......

42. FAVORITE SOUND? My kids laughing

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Ummmm is it uncool if I say neither?

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? From my current home? Niagara Falls. From my childhood home? Key West Florida.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Bitching and moaning. Procrastinating.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Ewtah

Pants, Motherhood, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy

2008-02-04T16:32:00.000-08:00

A few blog posts ago I mentioned that I wanted to blog but couldn't think of anything to blog about. So Love Medicine, Aerin, and Sister Mary Lisa all gave me ideas of what I could write about. Here goes nothing:

Pants
I can never find pants that fit me right. Either they aren't long enough or if they are long enough they are too big in the waist. I hate wearing belts so the too big in the waist thing sucks! It's not as wonderful as it sounds either(too big waists). My waist is still plenty big thanks to being pregnant three times.(as a little comic relief here, I just noticed that I have been spelling waist like this; waste, which actually would make this paragraph a lot more interesting. I can't leave it like that though, I wouldn't be able to sleep if I did)

So if anyone has any suggestions of good fitting pants that are less than 50 bucks let me know!

Motherhood
Before I was a mother I thought I would have the most well-behaved children. This was because I was going to deal with them with a firm but gentle hand. I was going to muster up all the patience I could and never yell no matter what. I was never going to say things like "Because I said so" and "Life's not fair" and my all time favorite "Everyday is Kid's day".

Sadly, my girls are little monsters. They don't listen to me and actually laugh at me. I have yelled at them more times than I can count and I have had said everyone of the above phrases 713 times at least. I am so screwed when they are teenagers.

I love them like crazy and would take a bullet for them. Those are about the only expectations that I had that haven't changed.

Santa Claus and The Tooth Fairy
First, you mean they aren't real??
Second my kids believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. I believed in them growing up and finding out that they weren't real did not make me resent my parents, it didn't make it so that I can't trust people, it didn't screw me up in anyway actually. As long as I got presents I didn't really give a damn who gave them to me. As long as I got that quarter under my pillow, I didn't really care how it got there. When the time comes to explain the "real" story to my kids, I will just tell them that we all get the chance to be Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy and that makes them real. If they are anything like me(and they are so much like me it's scary) they will say "Cool" and move on with their lives. I am pretty sure they will get more screwed up by the bumbling sex talk I will be giving them than anything else!

I am dietdrpepper!

2008-01-30T07:53:00.000-08:00

I have recently become aware that some people didn't know that I, Regina Filangi(not my real name) and dietdrpepper, who posts at FLAK and NOM, are one and the same. When I made this blog I thought it would be fun to use the alias that Phoebe from the television show Friends, always used. Maybe I should have used my DAMU alias but I like variety.

So let it be known, Regina Filangi is also dietdrpepper.

I hope everyone will be able to sleep better now that I have cleared up that little mystery.

Mixed feelings

2008-01-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

On the death of GBH. When I first heard I was a little sad. I find it weird that it hit me like that since I pretty much thought I was far enough removed from the church that it would be just like hearing that some other religious leader that I didn't have any connection to, died. I don't have any hate towards the man. I hope he is with his wife in heaven. I can say that because I still believe in heaven, not the one he taught about, but yeah, I believe in heaven. Am I silly? Ridiculous? Stupid? Maybe but I don't care.

I do find it weird though that this morning, before I even knew he had died, as I was walking downstairs to find socks, that I had the primary song "I Love to See the Temple" in my head. I don't know how it got there. I haven't heard that song in years! What a weird coininkidink!

RIP GBH!! See ya in heaven with my nonmember/nonwhite hubby and our nonmember/nonwhite children! I expect to be greeted with a glass of wine and a welcoming smile and a kind of goofy "Oops!" I have no ill will towards ya bro!!

I want to write something...

2008-01-25T07:29:00.000-08:00

...but I can't think of anything. Anyone want to give me a topic??

I hate snow....

2008-01-22T06:36:00.001-08:00

Try moving from a tropical climate to a wintery climate some time. It's loads of fun. Actually, I hate it. I remember why I hate winter now. I feel like I have been living in a snow globe for the past month. I am feeling a little claustrophobic. I guess this is what people mean when they say they have the winter blahs.

The only thing saving me is the really cool 47 inch LCD-HD television we just bought. After viewing programs on our little dinky 27 inch for 10 years I feel like I am in a freakin movie theater!! You have not lived until you have seen Hitler and his minions doing the Nazi salute in HiDef and on a big screen. It's like you were there and close enough to beat the living shit out of him. Dh was watching a documentary on the Hitler Regime last night. Yeah, he's weird.

Damn, the baby is crying. I guess I better go be a mom.

Nothing new

2008-01-13T19:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in awhile so I thought I would update.

There's nothing new. Haven't had anymore contact from the ward here. Haven't done anything particularly fun lately. The only things that could even be of interest are things I can't talk about because it would be a dead give away to the real me.

Sorry this blog is such a snoozer! Check out the blogs on my blog list. They are much more interesting. Seriously.....

Best of 2007

2007-12-29T15:27:00.000-08:00

Another one I stole from Wry's blog. I am such a copycat. Anyway here are the rules:

Take the first line of the first post from each month from 2007 to play the game.

January 2007: Our loaner computer conked out so now we have no computer at home that works.

February 2007: My dear, sweet husband was able to bring home a computer from work but just for the weekend.

March 2007: I only have a few minutes but I thought I would post a little something.

April 2007: So I am sitting here at the library, a couple of days ago and this really dorky looking guy(skinny, big nose, glasses, bad hair) comes over to get on one of the other computers.

May 2007: I am not saying where. I am still somewhat incognito here.

June 2007: No posts in June.

July 2007: No posts in July.

August 2007: Not that I actually think anyone is still reading this blog.

September 2007: What time did you get up this morning? 8:00 AM

October 2007: I haven't really had much to blog about here lately.

November 2007: My blog seems to be dead!

December 2007: The ward here found me and you know what?

Wow, I am really boring! I am so sorry!!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-22T07:36:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas! I hope your day is filled with food, fun, and family. Oh and drunken laughing if you are feeling so inclined!

A Christmas Meme!!

2007-12-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

I got this meme from Wry's blog. Hers is a lot funnier than mine but I am doing it anyway!

Favorite Christmas…

01. Non-Jesus-related song? "Come Home For Christmas" The Eagles

02. Jesus-related song? Oh Holy Night and Carol of the Bells(especially the Transiberian Orchestra version)

03. Santa-related song? Santa Claus is Coming to Town

04. Fictional character? Cindy Loo Who

05. Dinner’s main course? I like the side dishes better, Ham isn't my thing. So I will go with the mashed potatoes.

06. Dinner’s dessert? Coconut Cream Pie

07. Scent (pine, gingerbread, candles…)? Christmas cookies baking.

08. Animated movie? A Charlie Brown Christmas

09. Non-animated movie? A Christmas Carol

10. Personal memory? Going to my grandma's house on Christmas Eve. I remember one year we watched Labrynth which isn't really a Christmas movie but now I always associate it with Christmas.

11. Story/Fairy Tale? The Nutcracker

This or That:

12. Candy cane or peppermint patties? Both!!

13. Sugar or gingerbread cookies? Sugar cookies with frosting.

14. Tinsel or beaded strands? Tinsel

15. Multi-colored or same-colored lights? Same colored, right now we have red.....wait, I stuck some clear ones on there to for effect!

16. Flashing or still lights? Still

17. Wreaths or mistletoe/holly? I like wreaths but I don't have one. :(

18. Rudolph or Frosty? Rudolph

19. Sledding or snowball fights? Sledding and snowball fights!!

20. Snow or ice/icicles? Snow

21. Snow hat or earmuffs? Earmuffs

22. Getting or giving? Giving

23. Snow days or plow trucks? Snow days but the trucks better be plowing too!!

24. Stockings or presents? I put presents in stockings as well as under the tree so I am going with both!

25. Cookies & milk or letter to Santa? Cookies & milk

26. Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Christmas Eve for coziness and warmth; Christmas Day for excitement and joyous surprises- What Wry said!! :)

27. Log Burning Channel or real thing? Real thing but since I don't have a fireplace I guess it will be neither.

28. Cards or emails? Cards

29. Shoveling or cleaning off the car? I hate doing both!! I guess since the townhouse owners do the shoveling then I can pick cleaning off the car. I wish we had a garage!! Most days I can't get the passenger door open on my dd's side.

30. The Inn’s manger or the animals? Huh?

31. Mary & Joseph or The Wise Men? I don't think you can have one without the other....Both!!

32. Hot cocoa or eggnog? Hot Cocoa

33. Jack Frost or Little Drummer Boy? The Little Drummer Boy

Yay or Ugh…

34. Holiday shopping? Yay for the first hour, ugh for the remainder of the time until I can finally go home.

35. Icy roads? Ugh

36. Limited driving visibility? Ugh (does someone like this??)

37. Christmas carolers? I would love it if Christmas Carolers came by.

38. Mall Santas? yay

39. Salvation Army Santas? yay

40. Blizzards? Ugh

41. 24/7 Holiday radio? Yay

42. Freezing cold? ugh

43. Setting up the tree? Yay

44. Wrapping presents? Yay until my back starts hurting from sitting there hunched over for so long!

45. Visiting/seeing family? Yay

46. Ad-Lib on “Rudolph…” (’like Monopoly!’)? Yay if you are singing it with your kids.

47. Free mint red/white candy? Yay

48. Belief in Santa Claus? Yay

49. Chocolate countdown calendar? Yay

50. Peeking at your gifts (or by accident)? Ugh but since I bought my own gift I guess I should say yay but just once I would love if I got a surprise gift.....

51. Making out with Santa under the mistletoe? Yah if the Santa is dh.

52. Decorated houses? Yay

53. Extreme decorated houses? Ugh

54. White Christmas morning? Yay but it has to go away by the next day or it will turn into and ugh!

55. Searching for ornaments in the attic? N/A…and ugh

56. Santa knowing when you’re sleeping and awake? Ugh (pervy spy!)(heehee I will leave another of Wry's answers)

Name That TuneB-O-R-I-N-G…I skipped this section. Big yawn.

First Thought That Comes To Mind When You Hear…

67. Snowflake! Uh oh here come some snow that I am going to have to drive in.

68. Pinecones! Pine Nuts

69. Elves! Santa's Helpers

70. Sleigh! One horse open

71. Presents! Fun to buy for kids.

72. Cookies! I'm hungry

73. Misletoe! Getting stuck kissing someone you can't stand because "It's tradition" Blech!!

74. Rudolph! Had a very shiny nose.

75. Blizzard! I hope we don't lose our power because of this stupid blizzard!

76. School’s Canceled! yay, I get to sleep in!

77. Ice Skating! Never done it

78. Santa’s Lap! Uncomfortable

79. Black Friday! I actually went out and shopped on this day this year. It wasn't too bad actually.

80. God’s Son! Jesus

81. Melting Snow! A big mess but hey I'm glad it's melting!

82. Lumps of Coal! Never even seen one!

83. Nutcracker! Ballet

84. Ho Ho Ho! What isn't PC for Santa to say anymore(get a life people, sheesh)

85. North Pole! Santa's castle

What’s a Winter Activity YOU Do…

86. …In the snow by yourself? Nothing

87. …Inside by yourself? Read, eat, drink, internet stuff, watch tv and those cheesy Christmas movies on Lifetime television for women. ;)

88. …In a public place (with/alone)? Shopping with dh and our girls.

89. …With friends/family in the snow at home? Make snowmen and snow angels and snowforts. If there is a hill around we used to make homemade sleds out of old air mattresses and slide down the hill.

90. …With friends/family inside at home? Watch movies, play boardgames and card games, eat, drink(non-alcoholic if at my parent's or siblings homes), talk and laugh. I miss my family.....:(

Grade/Rate Holiday Movies A - F

91. A Christmas Story. A

92. How The Grinch Stole Christmas? A

93. The Santa Clause? C

94. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer? A

95. Frosty The Snowman? B

96. Home Alone. B

97. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. A

98. Elf. A-

99. Miracle on 34th Street. B

100. A Charlie Brown Christmas. A

The ____ Present You’ve Received?

101. Most expensive? cross country skis

102. Ugliest? I can't remember

103. Worthless? A paper snowflake(long, annoying story)

104. Most-wanted (personally)? A House

105. Most-wanted/popular (media frenzy)? Cabbage Patch Kid

106. Unwanted? Paper snowflake

107. Never-used? Some Exclamation lotion a boss gave me. (remember Exclamation perfume??)

108. Exchanged for something else? I have never exchanged anything.

109. Biggest (size)? Bicycle

110. Most meaningful? The afghan my grandma knitted me.

Christmas At My House…(one or the other)

111. Tree is fake/real? Fake and it looks it. I wish I had a real one.

112. Tree is under/above 4′? Above

113. Open presents Christmas Eve/Day? One on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas day.

114. House/entire yard is decorated? No

115. Amount of presents under the tree? I think this year it will be around 15 or 20. Some years we have more some years less.

116. Snowman is a male/female? No snow man yet.

117. Go for Santa/Jesus? Both!! We are Santa and Jesus people.

118. Homemade/delivered/takeout Christmas dinner? Homemade but I make breakfast instead of dinner because I am better at making breakfast than dinner.

119. Bedtime is before/after midnight? Before for the kids and dh after for me because I still have presents to wrap usually.

120. Wake-up is before/after 7am? This year probably before. The new baby doesn't let us sleep in much anymore.(I almost put her real name!!)

121. Go/don’t go to church on Christmas? We don't usually go to church except if we are visiting my parents. I kind of want to go this year though. Not LDS but to some Christmas Eve service somewhere.

122. Pray & sing Happy Birthday/do nothing before bed? Why would we sing Happy Birthday?? Is that for Jesus? Actually I have heard of people making Jesus a birthday cake. To each their own I guess!

123. Do shopping before/after Thanksgiving? After

124. Low-key/over the top decorations (inside and out)? Low-key

Have You Ever?

125. Built a snowman? Yes

126. Heard Santa’s sleigh? No but I like to pretend I do for the girls because it makes them go to bed because "Santa won't come in the house until he is sure they are asleep!"

127. Seen Santa & Rudolph in the sky? See answer to 126

128. Sat on Santa’s lap? Once or twice.

129. Shoveled the driveway/sidewalk? Yes

130. Made snow angels? Yes

131. Built a fort/igloo? Yes

132. Wrote a Christmas list? Yes

133. Wrote a letter to Santa? Yes

134. Left cookies/milk for Santa & reindeer? Yes and we were always amazed when they were actually gone!!

135. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

136. Went caroling? Yes

137. Got hurt during the winter season? No, but I have gotten the flu before.

138. Gone ice skating/sledding? Yes

139. Kissed under a mistletoe? Yes

140. Experienced/saw a miracle happen? I believe I have and I will leave it at that.

141. Get everything you wanted for Christmas? Yes

142. Cooked/baked? Yes

Christmas 101

151. Color of Rudolph’s nose? Red

152. Jesus’ Virgin Mother? Mary

153. What made Frosty come to life? The true spirit of Christmas?? Sounds good to me..

154. Two main colors of Christmas? Red and Green

155. Does Mrs. Claus have a first name? I am sure she does and we should all know what it is because I am sure her name isnt "MRS". Ugh....

156. Where does Santa live? The North Pole but only at Christmas time, I think after Christmas is over he lives in the Bahamas somewhere.

157. True love gave what on the second day of Christmas? Two turtle doves. Though, I would rather have Dove Chocolates.

158. What kind of nuts are roasting on an open fire? Chester's

Make Up Your Own Christmas Tale

159. Once upon a time, there was a: Woman trying to make up a story for this meme

160. Who couldn’t stop: wondering why she was even trying, making up stories are not her forte.

161. After a while, she fell asleep next to a: pile of unfolded laundry and an empty can of Diet Dr Pepper.

162. When she woke, there was: Disappointed because she had been dreaming that she had a new car and a new house and when she woke up she was still living in her nice but rented townhouse and driving a dumpy old car.

163. Thanks to that, Christmas was: The only bright spot in her week to come.

How Does He Do It?

162. Get down the chimney? Well, since we don't have a chimney I guess he will come through the front door.

163. Deliver presents all over the world? Santa's time isn't our time. ;)

164. Get so fat and still act so jolly? He is happy and jolly because he lives a life of giving!

165. Recruit reindeer for sleigh-pulling lessons? He promises them a heaven filled with virgin reindeer.

166. Provide compensation for elves making toys? New elf shoes.

167. Stay unseen from the rest of the world? Camoflauge

Would It Still Be Christmas Without…

168. Candy canes? Yes

169. Snow? Yes

170. Stores opening at 5am? YES

171. Winter vacation? NO

172. Visiting family & friends? Kind of, the only family I ever see on Christmas is my dh and dds and Christmas is still good. I wish we could see the rest of our family at Christmas time though.

173. Fake Santas? Yes

174. Christmas trees? No

175. New holiday movies? Yes but I am glad they exist.

176. Getting holiday greeting cards/email? Yes

177. Holiday tunes? No

Share Your Stories in one Sentence

178. The best Christmas you’ve had. I think it was the last Christmas when I lived in Utah. My maternal grandparents were still alive, I was engaged and dh was visiting me for Christmas, it was just a fun time!

179. The most upsetting Christmas you’ve had? Thankfully I don't think I have had an upsetting Christmas. Knock on wood!!

180. One hilarious Christmas blooper? There was the time when my dad was making cookies(yeah my dad loved making Christmas goodies) and he accidentally poored the brown sugar into the jar of unpopped popcorn that was sitting by the mixing bowl. It was hilarious of those of us who witnessed it. It still makes me smile(and tear up a little, I really miss my dad, sorry I get REALLY sentimental around the holidays)

True Or False

181. You prefer to stay inside where it’s warm? True

182. You’ve given something (or $) to charity? True

183. You spent more than what people spent on you? True

184. You like to take your time opening presents? True

185. The thing you want most this year costs $100+? True and I won't be getting it.

186. You expect to get more than 10 presents this year? False

187. You’re a Scrooge/Grinch? False

188. Christmas = snow? No, I lived in warm climates for the last 9 Christmases and I found I didn't need the white stuff to have a Merry Christmas.

189. You know the lyrics to more than 25 Christmas songs? True

Grab Bag

190. Three best things about Christmas? Family, food, and gift giving.

191. Worst Christmas song? "It's a Marshmallow World In the Winter" I hate that fucking song.

192. If you were a Christmas character, who would you be? I think I would be on the Island of Misfit toys too or Charlie Brown.

193. What type of decoration should stop being made? Ummm, I don't know!

194. Tastiest holiday treat? Fudge, Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookies, Rice Krispie Treats

195. Favorite pop culture/stereotypical Christmas icon (noun)? Ebeneezer Scrooge

196. Know how to make cookies/brownies/cake from scratch? Cookies, yes the others no.

197. Ever cut your mouth on a candy cane/candy? No

198. What other culture would you like to experience Christmas with? My hubby's family in Africa.

199. What kind of pattern/pictures do you like on your wrapping paper? Santa Claus, snow men, Christmas trees.

200. Will you make a Christmas picture for your blog/website/profile? Not this one. My other blog is very Christmasy complete with a Christmas song playlist. PM me or email me if you want to see it because it's private. I will only let you see it if I know you so if I don't know you don't ask.

They Found Me!(and other little updates)

2007-12-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

The ward here found me and you know what? I really don't care!!! I don't feel threatened at all. Weird huh?? If I ever feel like going I will but I doubt it. I got an invitation in the mail to the Primary program. Nice......I'm not going. I wish it had been accompanied by some yummy cookies! I have never been love bombed. It sounds like a good way to get free food!! I am totally rambling here I know. What is the title of this blog again??

I've kind of had the winter blahs lately. I am not used to winter. I haven't lived in a wintery climate for 10 years. I got used to sand and sunshine. All this snow and the endless cloudy days are throwing me for a loop. A friend suggested we go sledding. I haven't done that at least since Jr High back in the late 80's. I have never been a winter girl even though I grew up in N. Utah.

I think I am the only post/ex/inactive mormon that likes Utah. My experience growing up there, except for a few instances with some extremely snobby girls, was pretty positive. I actually enjoy going back there to visit. I am so unbelievably weird. The most annoying experiences I had with TBM's there were actually with TBM's who WEREN'T from Utah. Like my one roommate from New Mexico. She told be I wasn't obeying the WoW because I alway drank Dr Pepper. She thought the heavy metal and rap music I listened to was "Devil Music" I had never gotten either of those things from the Mormons I grew up around. Maybe it was just the part of Utah I grew up in , I don't know.

Let's see what else did I want to ramble on about..... Oh, I love Christmas!! The lights, the music(the cheesier the better), the food, the gifts, Santa, Jesus, Christmas Trees, shopping, the smiles on my daughters' faces, Peace on Earth, Good Will towards Men, Charlie Brown, The Grinch, A Christmas Carol, Home Alone, Christmas Vacation, someone bumping up the Smithmas Carols thread on FLAK(so fucking funny!!), I could go on and on!!! If that makes me a big old schmaltz ball I really don't care!! I really tend to like cheesy, corny things, especially at this time of year! I didn't get to enjoy it last year because I was practically dying of Morning Sickness but this year I am really having a ball.

My new baby is 4 1/2 months old now. She is so stinking cute. We love her so much! I am so glad we "accidentally" got pregnant. Last year around this time we were freaking out about it but it really did work out for the best!! Which leads to my adios for now! I need to change her diaper!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-21T09:32:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

We are just staying home this year, like we do every year. I managed to come up with a plan so we should have yummy stuff to eat tomorrow. I just hope I don't screw anything up. Really though, how hard is it to screw up an oven-ready turkey and frozen rolls? Unless I totally over cook them it should be good. This year I am thankful for:

1-My family
2-My home
3-Our good health
4-The food
5-Music
6-Books
7-Laughter
8-DDP
9-The DAMU
10-Life

Be safe!

Tagged: 7 Weird Facts

2007-11-13T13:45:00.001-08:00

Christy over on http://degenerateelite.blogspot.com/ tagged me. There are rules. I am not much for rules so I am only going to follow rules A and B. Yeah, yeah I'm a party pooper, blah, blah, blah. Here are the rules:

A). Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

The Weirdness:

1-I feel like I am in a fight everyday with the other "Car Rider" parents at my daughter's school for that primo spot right where they stand and wait for us. If you can get this spot you can usually be the first one out of there and I want to get out of there before the traffic gets too obnoxious. This means I am at my daughter's school a full 30 to 40 minutes before she actually gets out.

2-I hate spending money. I always get buyer's remorse. Even if it was just a couple of bucks.

3-I don't own a crockpot, a blender, or a food processor of any kind. This might only be weird in light of the fact that I am the only person I know who doesn't own at least one of these if not all three.

4-I put anti-persperant in between and under my boobs. Nice visual huh!!

5-I like to watch Hannah Montana with my daughters. I even laugh.

6-I like to dip my french fries in barbeque sauce instead of ketchup. BBQ sauce mixed with mayo!! Even better!

7-I visit the same websites and blogs everyday in a certain order. I never vary from it. If I accidentally go somewhere out of order I start all over again. I am not sure why I do this.

It was hard to come up with 7 things. I guess I am not that weird!!

Instead of tagging 7 people specifically, if you read this consider yourself tagged.

I Feel Like Tearing My Hair Out!

2007-11-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

Or banging my head against the wall.Why? Because a woman, who I thought was pretty cool, is turning out to be a very big annoyance to me. I don't know what happened. Either I am getting too sensitive or she is getting way too conservative. Anyway lately she has said things like this:

1- "I would like my daughter, if I have one, to go to college but I would not push it like I would with my sons". Basically it wasn't important to her if any daughter she had got a college education because that wasn't her purpose on the earth anyway, being a wife and mother was. Gag!! Blech!(that was in my own word but it was the gist of it)

and this one that I read today:

2- Anything that would get a boy all riled up(sexually) she would not allow her daughters(again that she doesn't have) to wear it. This was in reference to pairing leggings with short skirts or dresses. I guess it is too much to ask that boys be responsible for their own thoughts and actions. I also am guessing that it hasn't even crossed her mind that girls don't have to be wearing short skirts with leggings to get boys all riled up. I knew guys who just liked to see girls in dresses period. Whether they were short, long, sleeveless, capped sleeves, long sleeves. I guess she doesn't get that it is natural to be attracted to someone based on things like their sense of humors or intelligience. Hell it's natural to be attracted to someone period. And shock of all shocks there is nothing wrong with it! I am really bugged because she is perpetuating that whole "walking porn" thing and that us girls are responsible for keeping men from having sex thoughts about us. These are the same type of people who blame the victim who was raped saying "If she had just worn that burkha she wouldn't have been raped" Puhlease!!

Sometimes I want to throw mormon women into a wall. Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!

14 Firsts

2007-11-05T07:31:00.001-08:00

I saw this meme on Wry's blog. Being the copy cat that I am, here are my answers:

1-First Day of School- I have seen pictures of this day but I can't really remember it. I mostly remember eating graham crackers and milk and learning the Pledge of Allegiance. Oh I also remember being really drawn to the book cases.

2-First Kiss- I was a senior in high school, I guess that makes me a late bloomer. I initiated the kiss. He looked a little surprised but at least he didn't gag or anything. After that he got back together with his old girlfriend. So it must have been a bad kiss. Ouch!

3- First Date- My first date was to a school dance where the girl asked the guy. The guy I asked was really shy and I could barely get him to say two words. It was awkward at best. He seemed uncomfortable dancing too. I loved dancing so this was a big disappointment for me. It was then I decided I wasn't going to ask anyone out who I didn't like just a little. The main reason I asked him to the dance was because he was the brother of one of my brother's friends and they were hoping I would break him out of his shyness shell. It didn't work.

4- First Car- I won't go into the make and model, that might give me away. I will say that I didn't get my first car until I was 21. I loved finally having my own car. It was great not having to ask to borrow my parent's car.

5-First Time- I was 19. I was in my first year of college and having a grand old time being out from under my parents rules. I met this guy. He was a basketball player. He was pretty damn cute and I was smitten. I was also extremely curious about sex. I had some friends who had done the deed and I was dying to know what it was like. So one night this guy and I "did it" My first reaction was "Fuck this hurts". Then it was "Ah it's not so bad". Then it was "Shit what the hell am I doing, I am supposed to be saving myself for marriage" Yes I really thought all three of those things. I must have gotten over the guilt because we did it every chance we got until the school year ended and I went back home and he went back home to North Carolina. We never saw each other again. He still has my L.L. Cool J tape. Anyway.....

6- First Break Up- I can't count the guy I lost my virginity too because technically we never broke up, we just lost touch. Actually I don't think I have ever broken up with anyone, at least not permanently. I broke up with my hubby for about a week while we were in our first month of dating. I had a "He's not mormon what am I doing" freak out. I got over that and we got back together. I thank God everyday that I came to my senses. Otherwise I might be stuck with some mormon guy. Not that they are all bad it's just most of them got on my nerves.

7- First Real Job- That would be my fast food job. I worked the cash registers and the drive-through. I had some really fun times at that job but for the most part it sucked rocks. That was where I met the first gay people I ever knew. I had so much fun with these guys. They were so nice and funny and sweet. I remember thinking "the church is sooooo wrong about gay people" So I had another chink in my church armor, the first being the racism. Fuck, I keep going way off topic. Next question!!!!

8- First Time to Lose a Job- That would also be that fast food job. They kept cutting back on my hours and for some reason they started treating my like crap so I quit with no notice except a note I left on my bosses desk saying I wouldn't be back. I had my SiL, who still worked there pick up my last check for me.

9- First Time in Love- Now that I look back I don't think it was the basketball player from college even though for a long time I thought I had loved him. I think I just liked having sex. I really do think that my hubby was the first guy I ever completely fell in love with. He seemed to think I was the most gorgeous woman on the planet and he thought I was smart. He was the first guy I ever dated that actually built me up and made me want to be a better person. I think one of the reasons my parents didn't object to him (because he wasn't LDS) was that he treated me so well. He was their new ali(crud how do you spell ali??) in getting me to like myself. I am so glad they valued my happiness over their ideas of me marrying an RM.

10- First Drink- I was 19. Boy a lot happened that year. Anyway it wasn't anything big, just a Pina Colada Bartles and James wine cooler. I thought it tasted good but I didn't drink again for about 4 years and then it was another wine cooler.

11- First Sign of a Backbone - I was in the 7th grade. I was in a science class with a girl that had been giving me a hard time since the year before. She was always really rude, snotty and just plain bitchy to me. I always took it because I wanted to be in her circle of friends so badly. Well that was in 6th grade. 7th grade was a whole new year. I had made some other friends in Jr. High and couldn't care less about those idiots from Elementary School. So back to that science class. She started in on me, making fun of my clothes. I looked at her and told her "Just shut up!" which for me was like saying "Fuck off you skanky ho bitch". She just looked shocked like I had actually said "Fuck off you skanky ho bitch". She told her best friend about it. Her best friend was in my English class, she sat right behind me. During class that day she said to me "Suzy told me that you told her to shut up" I said "Yep". The girl just smiled and said "Good for you" Hmmmm apparantly Suzy's best friend even knew that Suzy was a skanky ho bitch.

12- First Ambition- When I was a little girl I wanted to be Indiana Jones. I thought he had the coolest job. Archealogy still holds an appeal to me but nowadays the only thing I dig is snot out of my babies' noses.

13- First Realization of Mortality- Right before my 8th grade year I was looking at the local paper, reading the obituaries and I saw one for this boy that I had gone to school with since Kindergarten. He had been run over by a tractor. I was in shock for a few days. It was so surreal. Up til then the only people I thought died were old people. To see that someone so young(13) was dead shook me pretty bad. It still makes me a little teary.

14- First Online Experience- I was pretty late getting online. The first time was in late 1998. I had been married for like 2 months and had moved to where my hubby was going to Grad school. In order for us to actually see each other sometimes I went to his lab with him. While he worked I played online. I was so inexperienced that I accidentally went to several porn sites. The next thing I know my hubby is telling me that the school is cracking down on porn-looking on school computers. I thought it was my fault. Dh wisely said to me "You think you are the only one who ever went to a porn site on a school computer?" DUH!!!! I was kind of naive.

I guess that'll do it.

Shameless begging!

2007-11-02T13:27:00.000-07:00

My blog seems to be dead! Granted I don't post too often anymore so it's probably my fault! If you are still reading this and just don't comment let me know. Otherwise I might have to have a funeral for my boring old blog.

Just A Little Something Funny..

2007-10-29T16:12:00.001-07:00

The Interview

2007-10-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

I asked Wry Catcher to interview me. Here it is.

1. What do you like best about having three girls? Do you wish for a boy or feel any loss for not having a boy?

The thing I like best is that they will hopefully be each other's best friends for life. It is like that with me and my sisters and I think it's the best thing, so much fun and there is always someone to talk to. They are already best friends. I hope it never changes. I also love that they are so expressive and imaginative and so excited to learn. They even try to teach each other. I love to watch them interact with their dad who of course is smitten with them. They have so much fun together. He turns into a big old kid himself whenever they play together.

If we ever decide to have another child I would love it to be a boy. I see little boys out and about and I love their energy and curiosity. When I hang out with my nephews we have so much fun. It would be really cool to have a little clone of my hubby running around. It might give me an idea of what he was like as a child since I don't have pictures and I can't speak to his mother to hear stories of his childhood. I know my hubby would love a son, like most fathers do. We haven't decided if we will ever try for a boy. If we do it will only be one more time though. I don't want to have 17 kids like the family in Arkansas just so I can get a boy. :)

2. What’s the best thing about having a ethnically mixed marriage? What is the hardest?

The best thing is being a part of another culture. It's so interesting to me to hear stories about how he grew up, what his parents went through to educate him and his other siblings. I have learned to love the type of music he grew up listening to with all the different sorts of drums and guitars. I love that my daughters have such a rich heritage that they can learn about and from and hopefully be proud of. I know they love it when he speaks in his native tongue. Knowing about his culture helps me to love and appreciate my own too. I always took my middle class American upbringing for granted and never thought of it as anything special. Now I know just how good I had it.

The hardest thing is the fact that while growing up, my hubby never really celebrated things like birthdays and holidays so it has been a bit of a chore trying to get him excited about them now. I love those things and I love celebrating them but sometimes feel like I am doing it alone. He is getting better since we have had kids. Also since he grew up so poor I think it's hard for him to spend money. He is always afraid that he will have to be poor again. I am kind of a spender so meshing our two spending styles has been aggravating at times. Other than that it really hasn't been that hard. We have a lot of support from family and friends not to mention a deep love for each other that withstands any trials we come up against.

3. What are the things you love best about your husband? What things make you nuts? What do you like best about yourself? Each of your girls?

I love that my husband is hard-working, smart, funny and that he can be playful at times. He really tries to make my life and the lives of our girls as fun, comfortable and safe as possible. He looks out for our welfare before his own. He's not afraid to get down on the floor and play with the girls(or me heehee). He is really good at balancing work and fun because he knows that both are important.

What drives me nuts is that he is a bit of a perfectionist. He can get down on himself really easy if things aren't quite up to snuff. He can get pretty high strung at times which can lead to sulkiness if he thinks I am not quite getting where he's coming from.

What I like best about myself is my sense of humor. It has gotten us through many a tough time. Most of the time I can make my hubby laugh and get him out of whatever funk he has gotten himself into. I think I am a good mom too. I play with my kids, I read to them, I help them learn. I let them be kids instead of miniature adults. So what if I sometimes give them cake for breakfast or let them watch a little too much T.V. They know that they are loved and that mommy will always be there for them.

What I like best about my oldest daughter(5 yrs) is her determination to learn. She is currently learning to write the alphabet and has had a bit of trouble with her R's and S's but she kept practicing and now they look wonderful. She is also a very loving child. Always up for a hug or a kiss whether giving or receiving. She loves life and loves learning and is quite the good dancer. She makes me laugh on a daily basis.

What I like best about my second daughter(3 yrs) is her spunk. She will not take no for an answer which can get annoying but I think it will serve her well in the future. She is quite the little talker too. She will make up a story off the top of her head and it actually makes sense. She also loves to sing and will break out into song anywhere, home, the store, the park, she doesn't care. She is also very loving and gives the best hugs.

What I like best about my third daughter(3 months) is her cute little smile. She opens her whole mouth when she smiles it is so damn cute. She is my sweet little angel and I am so happy we "accidentally" got pregnant with her. She is even letting me get more sleep at night. Finally!! If she is anything like her big sisters she will also be smart, kind and funny when she can finally talk and interact more with us. There's no rush though. I love having her here as this adorable little baby.

4. What do you love about being a SAHM? What do you hate? What is the most important accomplishment for you in the short term as a SAHM?

What I love best about being a SAHM is just being with my girls. I don't miss out on any of their milestones. I am not a very trusting person so I am so happy I can be the one to take care of them, thanks in large part to my husband for having a wonderful job that supports us. I tried to be the working mom but it just didn't make me happy. Plus I didn't like the job I had and it wasn't worth it to me to work a crappy job when I could be spending that time with my girls. I might be telling a different story if it was a job I had loved.

The hardest thing is sometimes I feel very isolated. It can be really lonely being a SAHM. I miss having daily adult interaction with coworkers. I miss bringing in a paycheck. It felt good being able to contribute to the family income. I miss actually looking forward to the weekends because when you are a SAHM the days just seem to run together making the weekends nothing special. That has changed a little since my oldest has been in school.

In the short term as a SAHM I just want to accomplish establishing a firm bond with my daughters. I like it that they have some comfort knowing that I will always be the one picking them up from school or being at home if they need me for whatever reason. There will come a time when they won't need me for much of anything and I will be able to remember this time I had with them with fondness and maybe a few tears.

5. What do you like most about your new town? What do you miss about your old town in FL? What do you most miss from where you grew up?

What I like most about my new town is that I get to experience all four seasons again. It is so beautiful here now with the leaves changing. I also like being in a smaller city again. It takes a lot less time to get somewhere now.

What I miss most about FL is the ocean. We used to go there every other weekend and it was always so fun. I know that once winter starts here I will miss the warm sun of FL. Right now I am glad to be out of the humidity but I have a feeling that in a few weeks I will be longing for it!

What I miss most about where I grew up is my family. They are all still living there. I miss seeing them on a daily basis. I miss our family get togethers because they were always filled with fun and laughter. I also miss the mountains, they were my favorite thing about Utah besides my family. I miss the little community I grew up in. Well, most of them anyway. If it weren't for some of them I would probably be a lot more angry with the church. They showed me what mormons should be like with their compassion , acceptance and love.

6. If you could snap your fingers and be anyone or anything for one day, who/what would that be? Why?

I am going to be cliche here and say Oprah. I just want to know what it feels like to give so much money away to people who really need it. I just think that must feel unbelievable. I would love to know what it's like being so loved and admired by people all over the world. It would also be interesting to see what it was like growing up as a poor black female and accomplishing all that she has since then.

Wow, thanks for that Wry!! It was fun for me to dig deep into my heart and soul to answer those questions. I hope I did them justice!!

Sorry!

2007-10-08T09:26:00.001-07:00

I haven't really had much to blog about here lately. Everything that is happening in my life I can only write about on another blog because if I write about it here someone might figure out who I am. I can't have that! I don't really have much mormon angst to write about either, except I did read that RS Pres. talk and about threw up my breakfast. Is she for real? Was she just being sarcastic? I know the answer to that is no but I wish it were just a satire! I feel bad for any mormon woman who hears that talk and is now doubting herself. I hope my two youngest, unmarried and in their mid-20's sisters didn't hear that. They already think they suck because they aren't married and have no children.

Well, this will have to be a short post because my oldest kids just woke up the baby. Ugh, I love them but can't they shut up for 5 minutes!!

The Church of Niagara Falls and other random stuff.

2007-09-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

I am not saying how far we had to go to get there or what mode of transportation we used but we did go to Niagara Falls over the weekend. It was the first time I have ever seen it in person. In fact this is the closest to Canada I have ever been. It was awesome! Really! I was in awe! Niagara Falls is beautiful! It was way more fun than sitting in a stuffy old church building I'll tell you that. I never felt that kind of awe or felt anything that close to something spiritual at church. Though I really tried to.

All is well in the DDP household. Dh likes his job and is doing well at it. DD #1 is really loving Kindergarten, DD #2 likes having mom and baby sister all to herself for awhile and DD #3 is sleeping a lot better. I, like most moms, never feel like I am doing enough, wonder if the things I am doing are right, and could really use a time-out. I think I am taking one next Sunday. I think I will go shopping. I need some sweaters, boots and new underwear. Y'all really wanted to know that last one I'm sure. I think I will go buy a bottle of wine so I can have my first taste of alcohol in a year. Woohoo!!!

So ridiculous!

2007-09-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

My little brother is getting married. He is the ripe old age of 22. I haven't met his future wife yet because I don't live near them. I have only seen pictures. I have a dilemma too. I could go home to the wedding if I wanted to. I do want to but I am not going to go. First of all I don't want to take my daughter out of school. I could go for just the weekend but I think that is kind of a waste of money. The biggest reason it would be a waste of money is that I can't even see him get married. I don't have a temple recommend. I would probably end up being the designated baby sitter for all my nieces and nephews. I can barely take care of my own children. I don't want ten more on top of it. So going to Utah for a wedding I can't even witness, where I will be babysitting and it's only for the weekend, yeah it doesn't scream "Worth every penny!!" to me.

I love my brother, from what I heard of his future wife, she's pretty cool too. I would love to see my family because I haven't seen any of them but my mom for over a year. But I think I will stay home seeing as how I am not good enough to go to the wedding.

Happy Anniversary!

2007-09-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

To dh and me! It's been 9 years since we got married! I had written whole "Happy Anniversary" post and something happened and damn blogger didn't get it published. At least I don't think it went through. If there are two Happy Anniversary posts up you know why!

Ugh!! I am not typing that out again. I can't even remember what I said! So I will just leave it at

"Happy Anniversary!!!"

Happy Anniversary!!

2007-09-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

To dh and me! We have been married 9 years today! It has gone by so fast. Since we were married we have lived in 3 different states and have had 3 children. Each child was born in a different state too!

Obviously since dh is not mormon we weren't married in the temple. We decorated my grandparents big, beautiful backyard and were married there by my hometown bishop. All my family was there and one of dh's brothers and his family were there. A few people didn't show up. I don't know if it was because we got married over Labor Day weekend or if it was because they didn't approve of my marriage. I don't really care though, at least my REAL friends were there.

We will have to think of something to do to celebrate. We don't know anyone here well enough to let them babysit the kiddies so that limits our options a little.

Anyway, Happy Anniversary to dh and me! Here's to the rest of our lives!!

I found the original post!!

Meme time

2007-09-02T06:54:00.000-07:00

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:00 AM

2. How do you like your steak? Medium Rare

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest (I don't get out much)

4. What is your favorite TV show?Lost, Desperate Housewives, Big Love

5. What did you have for breakfast? Cereal

6. What is your middle name? Not sure Regina Filangi has a middle name.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?Italian

8. What are your favorite chips?Nacho Cheese Doritos or Cheetos

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment?Daughtry

10. What kind of car do you drive?Chevy Lumina, an old Chevy Lumina

11. What is your favorite sandwich?Turkey sub with lettuce, mayo, olives, pickles, vinegar and oil from Subway

12. What characteristics do you despise?Racists, homophobes, self-righteous, mean to animals and children and sexist pigs!

13. What are your favorite clothes?Jeans and t-shirts

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?Ireland

15. Favorite brand of clothing?Old Navy, Bitten

16. Where would you want to retire?Naples, Florida is cool!

17. Favorite time of day?Night time

18. Where were you born?Somewhere in N. Utah

19. What is your favorite sport to watch?Summer Olympics and now David Beckham whether actually playing soccer or not!

20. Who do you think will not do this meme?Whoever else is bored enough.

21. Who do you expect to do this first? Don't know

22. Pepsi or Coke?Neither, Diet Dr Pepper rules!!!!

23. Beavers or Ducks?Who cares!!

24. Morning or Nite Owl?Nite Owl

25. Pedicure or Manicure?Manicure I guess, I have never had either.

26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?Not that I can think of

27. What did you want to be when you were little?An actress or an archeologist

28. What is your best childhood memory?Going camping and to Lagoon

29. Ever been to Africa ?No but since that is where dh is from, we need to go there soon!

!30. Been in a car accident?Yes

31. Favorite day of the week?Sunday esp. now that I don't spend it in church!!

32. Favorite restaurant? Outback Steakhouse

33. Favorite flower?Daisies

34. Favorite ice cream?It changes, right now Drumsticks

35. Favorite fast food restaurant?Burger King

36. How many times did you fail your driver's test?2, just the road test, the written test I passed on the first try.

37. From whom did you get your last email? my dd's kindergarten teacher

38. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Barnes and Noble

39. Bedtime?Whenever my new baby lets me go to bed.

40. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?Everyone! I am nosey like that

41. Last person you went out to dinner with? My hubby and daughters

42. What are you listening to right now?Some car commercial

43. What is your favorite color?Purple

44. How many tattoos do you have?None

45. How many are you sending this meme to?Not sending it, posting it on my blog

46. Favorite magazine(s)?Instyle, Cosmo, Glamour, Parents

47. What time did you finish this meme?10:05 AM

48. How old were you when you got married?24

49. How old do you want your kids to be when they get married?I would like for them to wait to get married until they have some sort of graduate degree and a good job so they won't be dependent on the man. So however old that is. (and I really really hope this happens)

Hard day for mom!

2007-08-29T07:31:00.000-07:00

It was my oldest daughter's first day of Kindergarten today. It's one of those bittersweet times when you are so happy an excited for your kids and at the same time sad that they are growing up so fast. I am excited for her when I think of how much she will be learning and all of the friends she will be making. She has a really great teacher. We are in a great school district. When dh was looking for a place for us to live here he made sure he found out what area you had to live in to be in a good district. There really seems to be nothing to worry about. She didn't even cry when we left her there.

I miss her. The house seems empty. Her little sister misses her best friend. I am such sap!! She'll be home by 3:30 for crying out loud.

I'll be okay.

I still miss her though. Yep, this is very bittersweet!

Giddy!

2007-08-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just get giddy thinking of all the things you get to do now that you don't believe in things like WoW, wearing g's, distancing yourself from any other religion or people of any other religion?

I do. Just thinking that if I want to I can drink that Rum and Coke or Pina Colada or lovely Red wine. I can have that expensive Starbucks coffee , though I haven't yet(the coffee that is). I can be friends with anyone I want, I can accept anyone's lifestyle (as long as it's legal and no one is getting hurt), I can study other religions and choose one of them that better fits me, my family and our lifestyle and it's okay. I can wear my tank top in the summer. If I ever get my flat tummy back I can wear that bikini(yeah right). It's all okay. God won't hate me. I finally feel normal. I am not a peculiar person anymore. Well I guess that's debatable.

I don't have to listen to anymore old white dudes in a far away city that have never met me anymore. Life is good and yep, I get all giddy just thinking about it!!

I'm bored so I am doing a survey

2007-08-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

A • Are you available?: Nope! I am married
• What is your age?: 33
• What annoys you?: It would probably be quicker to list what DOESN'T annoye me!

B • Do you know anyone named Billy?: I used to • When is your birthday?: In February

C • Current mood: Tired but in a good mood.
• What's your favorite candy?: Anything with chocolate in it
• Your current Crush?: Boring answer, my hubby
• When was the last time you cried?: Earlier tonight.
D• Do you daydream?: Yes
• What's your favorite kind of dog?: I don't have one • What day of the week is it?: Friday
E • How do you like your eggs?: Scrambled
• Have you ever been in the emergency room?: yes • Ever pet an elephant?: No
F• Do you use fly swatters?: If I can find it otherwise rolled up newspaper will do.
• Have you ever used a foghorn?: no
• Is there a fan in your room?: In my bedroom

G• Do you chew gum?: Sometimes
• Do you like gory movies?: No they are usually stupid.

H• How are you?: Tired, impatient, in desperate need of a time out from my life
• What's your height?: 5'8
• What color is your hair?: Brown
I • What's your favorite ice cream?: This new kind I just tried called Banana Split
• Have you ever ice skated?: No
J • What's your favorite Jelly Bean?: The Pina Colada Jelly Belly
• Do you wear jewelery?: Just my wedding ring and a birthstone ring
• Are you jealous?: Of who??

K• Who do you want to kill?: Well, since I am not a sociopath or a psychopath I don't want to kill anyone. There are a few people I wouldn't mind bitch slapping though.
• Have you ever flown a kite?: yes • Do you think kangaroos are cute?: I guess

L• Are you laid back?: I was until I had kids
• Lions or tigers?: Either
• Do you like black licorice?: NO
M• Ever shopped at Moosejaw?: What the hell is that?
• Favorite store at the mall?: Steve and Barrys

N• Do you have a nickname?: DDP
• Do you prefer night or day?: Night

O • What's your one wish?: For my family to stay healthy and safe
• Are you an only child?: no • Do you like the color orange?: not really
P • Piercings?: Three in my left ear and two in my right ear but they have all grown in. I need to get them redone.
• Do you know anyone named Penelope?: Nope
Q • Are you quick to judge people?: Sometimes
• Know anyone that makes quilts?: Yeah

R • Do you think you're always right?: Not always. Just most of the time.
• Do you watch reality TV?: I watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition, The Girls Next Door and reruns of America's Next Top Model. That last one I have no idea why I like it.
• Reason to cry?: My new baby won't let me sleep, I miss my mom and sisters
• Do you prefer sun or rain?: Rain, I burn in the sun.
S • Do you like snow?: Nope and I am in for it this winter! Yikes!
• Whats your favorite season?: fall
T• What time is it?: 10:50 P.M.
• What time did you wake up? 7:00 A.M.

U• Can you ride a unicycle?: No • Do you know anyone with a unibrow?: No
• How many uncles do you have?: 10 I think

V• What's the worst vegetable?: Cauliflower • Do you like water rides?: No

W• Ever been inside a windmill?: no
X• Have you ever had an x-ray?: Yes
• Ever used a Xerox machine?: Yes

Y • Do you like the color yellow?: Not really
• Do you yell when you're angry?:Yep

Z• Do you believe in the zodiac?: No it's just for fun
• What's your zodiac sign?: Aquarius

Don't worry I am not tagging anyone!!

Forever Families

2007-08-14T06:24:00.000-07:00

I am not sure why I bothered. You can't convince a TBM or a bunch of TBMs that your family, though not married in a temple(blech), if there is an afterlife, will be together forever in that afterlife. I have been trying on a certain mormon women's message board to convince the ladies of just that. I have no idea why. It's aggravating as hell. They just keep throwing scriptures and GA quotes at me that have no meaning to me as I don't believe a damn thing those scriptures and GA's say. I have told them that. Then I get the old, "Satan is working on you" bullshit. Whatever!

I think I have said this before. The initial reason I walked out of church and never came back was because I just got really sick of all the temple marriage to have an eternal family talks in SM and RS. It gets wearing to constantly be told to enjoy your family now because you won't have them for eternity. It got me to thinking, if God is like this mormon version, I am not sure I want any part of him. I honestly don't think he or she is anything like the mormon version. The nitpicky(no flip flops or denim to church, only one earring, don't show any shoulder or you'll be walking porn, have to be married in some overdone, overdecorated building), conditional loving(homosexuals, nonmembers, unbelievers can not be with God in heaven), flipflopping(blacks can't have the priesthood, they can have the priesthood, be polygamists, don't be polygamists, sheesh make up your mind already) God I heard about at church did not and does not match anything I ever imagined he or she to be. If there is a God I imagine he or she to be a lot more compassionate, understanding, nonracist, nonhomophobic, nonsexist, and having unconditional love for all of us. I will cling to that until I die and am either proved right or wrong.

Anyway, I am rambling. Probably not even making much sense. I am just too annoyed. I rarely get mad at mormons anymore. Not since 2 months ago when I debated homosexuality with one TBM lady who likened homosexuals to people who commit incest and pedophilia. What a bitch she was. I hate people like her. I don't usually hate people either. It's just not in me. But her! She just had my blood boiling. She will forever think of me as that struggling inactive mormon who doesn't listen to what God tells the prophet. She was the epitome of one of those "When the prophet speaks the thinking has been done" mormons.

Well, I guess that will do for my angry inactive mormon rant this month.

Real Quick

2007-08-09T00:19:00.000-07:00

-Not that I actually think anyone is still reading this blog.
-I have a computer.
-I had my baby girl a couple of weeks ago. She's plum wiped me out!!!
-We are all settled into our new home and I am loving it here so far.
-I am still inactive, unbelieving mormon. I am not pissed. Just amused by it all now. Like "What was I thinking, silly me!!"
-We have HBO now and I get to watch Big Love. I am hooked and I don't really know why.

I really need to go to bed now. But I am back. Watch out!! ;)

Going on Hiatus!

2007-05-28T11:28:00.000-07:00

I am moving on Thursday. We are turning off our internet tomorrow so this is my last post for awhile! Hopefully I will be back to posting soon!

Take care everyone!

Funny Stuff!

2007-05-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

How would it look if you had to buy KY-Jelly and duct tape at the same time? Well dh had to do that today because we were out of both. We've been packing so that's why we need the tape and well, KY-Jelly is just a staple.

I would love to know what was going through the clerks head when dh checked out with these things!!

Forgiven

2007-05-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

When I first heard this song I cried my eyes out. Then I listened to it over and over again. This was back in 1996. I was still semi-TBM at the time but this song resonated with me so much. I had been having questions since my junior year of high school when I sat next to a wannabe exmo who as soon as she graduated and left to be on her own she was gonna quit this fucking church!! Just substitute the word Catholic with Mormon. There is a line that says I believe again, which I don't but I don't really think Alanis meant it literally! Maybe that's just my interpretation. Anyway, to say I relate to this song is quite the understatement!

Forgiven- Alanis Morrisette

You know how us Catholic girls can be
We make up for so much time a little too late
I never forgot it, confusing as it was
No fun with no guilt feelings
The sinners, the saviors, the loverless priests
I'll see you next Sunday

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

I sang Alleluia in the choir
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man
My brothers they never went blind for what they did
But I may as well have
In the name of the Father, the Skeptic and the Son
I had one more stupid question

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

What I learned I rejected but I believe again
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

We all had delusions in our head
We all had our minds made up for us
We had to believe in something
So we did

Just go away!!!

2007-05-25T22:15:00.001-07:00

I can't stand men who think they are right about everything. One good thing is that usually they will trip themselves up with something.

Tonight on a TBM message board I go to, there was a topic asking people what their hot button issues were. I should add this is a women's message board but men do occasionally post and this man's hot button issue was people with PhD's calling themselves doctor, as if trying to make it seem they were MDs. Since my dh has a PhD and in his professional life people refer to him as Dr. So I mentioned this and said something to the effect of my dh worked damn hard(well I said dang, trying to be respectful of their intense dislike for cussing) to earn his PhD and he could call himself Dr King of the universe if he wanted. I mentioned at one point that his PhD was inPharmacology. Well, he stood by his annoyance of this practice of someone other than an MD being called doctor. Fine, I don't really care. But he also was trying to explain to us silly women that someone with a PhD in Pharmacology would be called a Pharmacist. WRONG!!!!!!!! Pharmacy and Pharmacology are two different fields of study. You can get a PhD in Pharmacy but only then would you be called a Pharmacist. My dh is actually a Pharmacologist. So I called him on it. I tried to explain the difference but I am not sure how well I did. I might not ever know though, what he thought of me correcting him because the thread was locked before he could respond. I am a pretty laid back person but this really bugged me. Get your facts right before you try to explain to us wimmenfolk the ways of the world!! I hope he is feeling like an idiot right now. Probably not though.

Just had to get that off my chest!!

Cheer up!

2007-05-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

I think my last few posts have been a little negative. So I thought I would write some fluff and cheer myself up. So here are some things I love!!!:

1-My family(duh!!)
2-When songs I like come on the radio all in a row.(don't have an ipod)
3-When my fave magazines come in the mail and the kids nap so I can actually read them without hearing"Mommy can I see your magazine"(like they should even be looking at Cosmo)
4-When my fridge is fully stocked with DDP and chocolate.
5-Sundays, especially now that I am not stuck in a stuffy building hearing about my non-eternal family and how sad it is.
6-Writing on my blogs, this one and the one I let my mormon friends read. If they read this one they'd hate me.
7-When people comment on what I write.
8-Reading other peoples blogs especially the ones on my list.
9-Sex.(dh has been out of town, ugh)
10-Life in general

Okay I am all Pollyanna'd out!!

Bye!!

2007-05-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

The computer we were borrowing has gone back to where it belongs so I am once again banished to the library for all things internet. It was fun being able to post regularly. I will miss it.

Time for a change!

2007-05-16T10:07:00.001-07:00

I decided I was sick of pink.

Get off my planet!!

2007-05-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

On my way home from my doctor's appointment today I was following behind this SUV. The driver was throwing trash out the window. So not only is he driving a gas guzzler but he's littering too. Sheesh is it that hard to wait until you get home to dispose of your empty chip bag??

Watch out!

2007-05-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

If I have to listen to one more TBM(Or anyone for that matter) rave on and on about Mitt Romney I am going to throw up on them. I can do it too!

Phew!!! Glad I got that off my chest!!

What's the Point???

2007-05-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

I saw on the Entertainment news last night that Brad Pitt is looking for a butt double for the next time he does a nude scene. Now, why would I pay 8 bucks to see a Brad Pitt movie only to look at an ass that is not his!!! It's like going to a concert where the singer is lip-synching. Or getting the store brand of Dr. Pepper. I guess I will just keep watching the old Brad Pitt movies if I want to see HIS ass!!

Speaking of asses, last night on Law and Order: SVU I got a nice glimpse of Christopher Meloni's ass!! Yowza!! That is one hot man!!

Anyway...........Horney preggo woman is outta here!!

Oh and those who wanted to read something intellectually stimulating... Kiss my ass!!!!! ;)

We are moving!

2007-05-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

I am not saying where. I am still somewhat incognito here. I figure if I say where I am moving when most everyone knows where I am moving from, some smart ass will be able to put two and two together and figure out just who I am. Can't have that!!

I will say we are excited about the move. It's in a completely different state and area of the U.S. We will have 4 seasons again.

Okay 'nuff said on that subject.

Ugh, I am so annoyed with myself! I had something else I wanted to write about but it has completely slipped my mind. I really need to start writing my ideas down. But knowing me I would probably forget where I wrote them. I am such a space cadet lately.

Still a bit of a goody goody!

2007-04-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking about some of the things that I haven't changed about my lifestyle or my "morals" since deciding the church was a crock of shit! It kind of makes me a bit of a goody goody especially when I see a lot of exmos really go pretty far in the other direction once they make their break from the church. I guess it's probably because I have always been a neutral, gray thinking kind of gal. I don't like extremes one way or the other. Anyway

1-I still won't smoke. I watched both my maternal grandparents die from smoking related illnesses and I won't touch those cancer sticks with a ten foot pole. The last few years of their lives, my grandpa especially, were not pleasant for them, to put it mildly. I hated seeing them suffer. It broke my heart that my grandpa had to give up his beloved camping trips and gardening because of that damn oxygen tank he had to pull around.
2-I won't do drugs. Nope not even pot. First of all, just smelling it gives me a migraine. I just don't find it a "cool" thing to do. Though it doesn't bother me if others want to smoke dope. As long as it's not around me. I hate Migraines!!!
3-I will always be a one man woman and will always expect my dh to be a one woman man. There will be no threesomes, orgies or swinging. We are both the jealous type and it would not work in our marriage. It would kill us actually. Besides we both get everything we need from each other and do not need any extraneous people. Plus it kind of grosses me out. But, I don't care what other consenting adults do with their sex lives. If you want to experiment go for it. It's your right as sexual beings!!

You know that might be about it. I will drink, swear and wear tank tops! Go me!!!!

Their baaaack!!!

2007-04-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

The sister mishies are here at the library again! Is this some sort of sign?? Nah!!!

That's all for today folk, my brain is on vacation! (I know, I know, so what else is new??)

I wish...

2007-04-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

I wish....

*I could have a pina colada.
*That Tums actually worked.
*That Ros's flight plans didn't get changed, DAMN!!!
*I had a computer with internet access in my fucking living room!!
*That evil dick from VTech had stayed in S. Korea or something! Man.....
*The shrub had never been elected! Not my fault! I voted democrat both times!!
*My extended family lived closer.
*I could go to a NOM/Ex-mo get together sometime.
*I had a Porche Boxster.
*I had paid attention when my mom tried to teach me how to cook.
*It would start raining so I wouldn't have to take my girls to the park when I am done at the library.(that's kind of mean of me I know)
*All my friends and family had good health and tons of happiness.
*I could find decent maternity clothes that are also cheap! Hahahahahahahaha, that ain't never gonna happen!

Finally, I wish people were just plain more tolerant of other people's lifestyles and ideas. I mean is it really that hard? I just don't get it.

Fake friends!

2007-04-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were talking about how fake a lot of mormons can be when befriending nonmembers. He had an experience back in the Morg where he thought he had made friends with this guy who was a mormon. They hung out together and he had my hubby over for dinner and just seemed to want to be friends with my husband. That is until my husband refused to have the missionary discussions. Then this "friend" was suddenly unavailable. After that dh started hanging out with the Muslim guys he tutored in Math. Let's just say he was pretty surprised when I not only stuck around as his friend but fell in love with him and married him. While I was semi-active in the church for the first 4 years we were married he had a hard time believing anyone from church was sincere in their motives for friendship. I don't blame him one bit. After hearing his experiences I was also very doubtful.

As for me I think when I went to church I was pitied. "Oh there's the poor woman who's husband isn't a member. I think I will share my dh with her in the Celestial Kingdom" Okay maybe no one thought the last little bit but I did get a lot of sympathetic looks, especially during the "eternal families" discussions or talks....whatever! A few times I was offered someone's husband as a surrogate priesthood holder. "If you need a blessing Brother 'Oh So Perfect' would be glad to offer one". I know they were well meaning but sheesh! As if my hubby's prayers or my OWN for that matter weren't as valuable as a priesthood holders. BUG!!!!! As far as friendships with these women, forget about it. They were my friends in church settings only. I had one friend who did try. We went sight-seeing in L.A. together and to the beach a few times. But then she and her dh seperated and she moved back to Utah so that ended. As it turns out she didn't give me another thought back in "mormonland" she even remarried and never sent me an announcement even though she had my address which was the same the entire time we lived in CA. She came to visit one weekend and didn't call. I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. I really thought she was my real friend. Silly me!! I think I was just a diversion from her crappy marriage. "I'll go hang out with the poor inactive girl, her life has to be more screwed up than mine"

Anyway, now that I am inactive for good, I don't worry about making friends with LDS women. I have a few from the internet and that is ALL I need on that end.

Bad Girl!!

2007-04-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

I am not supposed to be doing this. My husband brought home a work laptop and I am supposed to stay away from it being the computer jinx that I am but I just couldn't help myself. I was planning to make a library run on Monday but this computer was just sitting here calling my name. "Regina Filangi, Regina Filangi". (Yes the computer knows enough to use my fake name.)

I hope he doesn't wake up.

Guess who I am sitting next to.....

2007-04-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

Here at the library. Give up? It's the sister missionaries. Should I show them NOM?? or The Foyer?? Or Cherry?? Heehee! Nah, I am not really in the mood to cause trouble today. I wonder what they are looking at online. Probably just emailing their parents. Aren't Mondays P-Days? Anyway........

I actually had an idea of what to write about when I got here today but I am totally spacing on what it was. It must not have been that important.

We had a nice Easter. We got the girls those pre-filled Easter baskets from Walmart. They came with these little straw hats and a little straw purse. They are such girly girls and they loved it! I honestly don't know how they got to be so girly. I am so ungirly. They must be rebelling.

I have been feeling a little sad this weekend. Since I read some sad news online when I was here on Friday. I will be okay, I think since I am pregnant, things get to me a lot easier than normal. My hormones are so out of wack. It's almost like having PMS all the time.

Wow, I am boring myself so I will just go now. Someone say hi to me so I will have something nice to read when I come back to the library in a few days.

No idea!

2007-04-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

I have had quite the week. First my husband goes out of town and while at the airport in Rochester, he loses his cell phone. So he called me so I could call the cell phone people and put a block on it so no one could use it. Before that though he called his phone and some yutz answered it. My husband asked the man to please turn his phone into Airport personnel and the stupid prick wanted compensation from my husband to do that. What the hell? It takes 2 seconds to turn over a lost phone. It's not like he was asking the man to bring it to our home in Miami. What is wrong with people? They can't just do something because it's the right thing to do? Well, he did end up turning it in but only after my husband reminded him that keeping a phone after finding the owner was STEALING!!! Everything is okay because the airport FedExed the phone to us and we got it today.

Then I was going to get gas in the car. I haven't gotten gas in this car since we got it. My husband always put the gas in it for me. But he was gone and I was going to pick him up at the airport and didn't want to run out of gas if we got stuck in traffic. So I get to the gas station, pay the cashier and go outside to pump the gas. Our gas tank has a lock on it and I couldn't get the damn thing open. Every other car I have ever put gas on didn't have this lock. So I tried for like 15 minutes and finally had to get my money back. I was soooo embarrassed. Maybe I am as stupid as the computer illiterate from a previous post on here. When my husband got home he opened the thing right up. Then I tried again and opened it right up. I was so peeved. I felt like an idiot. My husband was probably wondering "Who did I marry, she can't even open a gas tank without a demonstration".

So that was my fun week. Next week my hubby is going out of town again. I hope this time he has a better trip. Though he did get bumped to First Class on his flight home. And he didn't even bring me any of those little bottles of Liquor. The nerve!! Oh well, I can't drink that stuff anyway!!

Spelling! I used to be good at it!

2007-04-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

So I was perusing my last post and noticed a lot of spelling errors. I am too lazy to go fix them. But I did notice them. FYI!!

Oh brother!!

2007-04-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

So I am sitting here at the library, a couple of days ago and this really dorky looking guy(skinny, big nose, glasses, bad hair) comes over to get on one of the other computers. He is trying to log onto some account he has with craigslist. Soon, he asks for assistance from someone at the library because as he puts it, he is a computer idiot and know nothing whatsoever about them, the internet or even how he got his accout with craigslist or hotmail, which was his email account. I guess from what I overheard, he couldn't remember his email address or password. He was asking the library ladies how he could retrieve those things. Anyway I found it humorous enought to eavesdrop on and quietly laugh about. He kept saying things like "I am so stupid, this is my punishment from God for not learning computers" and "As soon as I leave here I am enrolling in computer classes so I can get smart about this". By the way I think he was probably in is early to mid 30's. Then he starts yelling about how "It's not fair that everything comes with instruction manuels but not library computers!!" On and on. He even directed some of his comments at other's at the computers nearby him. All of them trying desperately to ignore him and continue with their work. The library ladies tryed to tell him to just set up another hotmail and craigslist account but he kept saying he didn't know how. "So how did you set them up in the first place" they asked him. "I don't know" he said.

Anyway I just found this whole thing funny and a little sad. How could he not have any idea how to work a computer? Now I am no computer genuis but I do know how to set up an email and obviously a blogger account. No one showed me how. I thought it was pretty easy. They give you no brainer, step by step instructions. I mean there are a lot of things a lot harder than starting a hotmail or a yahoo email account.

He ended up storming out of the library saying "I give up, I GIVE UP!!!"

I wonder if he ever signed up for a computer class.

Hey ho, ho hey!

2007-03-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

I think I have alluded to it in other posts. But an interesting tidbit about me is that back in the early 90's I was a hip hop chick. I had tons of rap and R&B music. Stuff like Dr Dre, Snoop Dog, Naughy by Nature(No O.P.P. for me though) and practically everything else that was popular back then. I even decked myself out in the baggiest clothes I could find, which I usually found in the men's section. Now, it goes without saying that I was a strange thing in extremely white Northern Utah. I got made fun of a lot for listening to that "rap crap" which I find funny now because everyone who used to make fun of me listens to "Rap crap" now and I rarely do. I don't really like the new stuff except for maybe Nelly and Eminem, other than that give me my old school stuff! I have gone back to my hard rock and roll roots.

Now, as some might know I am married to a black man. He is not your stereotypical black man. He wasn't born in this country, he doesn't really like rap in fact he likes a lot of country music, much to my great and utter dismay because I always said I could never be with someone who likes that shit. But here I am!! And I love him a lot, weird country music lover that he is. Hey no one is perfect.

He wasn't my first black boyfriend. But I swear I didn't have a preference for black men, but damn if there aren't some fine ones out there, it's just that in Utah the white, TBM, RM, men that I knew thought I was too weird to date. And I thank God for that every day. I am so happy I married the man that I did. I can't imagine what kind of crap I would be getting right now from a TBM husband.

Anyway I started this because I wanted to dispel some rumors about interracial relationships that have actually been brought up to me. Some people have a lot of balls or are just plain rude take your pick and have actually asked us stuff like this.

1-Do you hate your race?
Both of us have been asked this. The answer is a big phat or fat NO! We are both very proud of who we are and where we come from. We just happened to meet each other and have this huge chemistry and love for each other.

2-So you must love rap.
Well, back a few years ago as I mentioned, I did. But I don't pigeonhole myself into black music and white music catergories. If the song moves me, has a good beat and makes me want to sing and dance, I like it, it doesn't matter who sings it or what type of music it is.

3-You are a traitor to your race/sellout.
That is just too dumb to even reply to so I usually just roll my eyes.

4-There is this stereotype on all the talk shows and some movies and sitcoms that makes it seem like white girls married to black men are white trash, uneducated, and have low self-esteem and that the black men in their lives are abusive and adulterous. Well, in our case and a lot of other couple we have met that is just not the situation and I get a little tired of it. I have never been abused or cheated on and I wouldn't call myself white trash. But that's what everyone sees on tv so that's what people automatically think of us. And my husband is certainly not uneducated. He has a PhD in a very difficult field and he worked very hard to get that degree.

5-And my personal favorite: I like black men because of that stereotype of the well-endowed black men. Now, that may be true. I don't have anything to compare since I have never been intimate with a white man so I can't compare in that regard. But regardless of whether that rumor is true or not, it wouldn't have played into my decision of who to marry because that is just not the kind of gal I am. I married the man not the penis. Still I have no complaints in that department.

There are so many more little things that I have heard but I am running out of time here at the library. I just wanted to try to tackle a topic with a little more meat to it. Check back for some fluff though. That is what I am best at afterall!!

Why? And other random thoughts.

2007-03-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

Why do people drive so damn slow. The speed limit is forty-fucking-five, not 2! Ugh!!! I guess I can answer that in one word....Cellphones! Get off the damn phone and drive!!!

I hate driving in Miami. I swear they are worse here than anywhere I have ever lived so far. Worse than S. CA and yes, worse than Utah.

Since I can't get my regular exmo/nom fix will that drive me back to the church out of sheer boredom?? God I hope not.

I had a dream last night that I went to a liquor store with my mom, who doesn't drink being a major TBM and all, but she was really interested in buying some rum to put in her coke. Well, we could only find dry rum(I don't know what that is either, it's just one of those wierd pregnant dreams afterall) but then Oprah pulled out this teeny tiney bottle of rum that cost 40 bucks and handed it to us. Thanks Oprah!! Wierd dream!!! This isn't my first dream about drinking something other than caffeinated beverages. I wonder what it all means?

I had the theme song from "Bosom Buddies" that old sitcom with Tom Hanks, in my head practically all night Friday night.
"I don't care what you say anymore this is my life!!!
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone!!"

Nice!!

Oh and TMI alert!!!! Read on only if you don't care that I am about to say something that really isn't anyone's business but it's interesting anyway. I have no secrets!(heehee)

Did you know that pregnant women's genitalia can swell during pregnancy and it will make sex even more pleasurable? I found that out recently. What a nice discovery it was. I hope I didn't wake anyone. :)

Okay bye.

It's a girl!!

2007-03-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

Yes we are having another girl. We are so excited! I don't have time to write anything else though. I should say also that the ultrasound looked great. She is growing exactly like she should. It is so nice not to say it as in "It is kicking like crazy" any more. I always hated that.

I'm a loser baby.....

2007-03-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

Still no computer. It sucks that's all I can say.

I will be having my ultrasound Thursday morning. Anyone care to wager on the sex of my unborn child? Yeah, me either.

After perusing a few of the blogs on my blog roll I have come to the conclusion that I am kind of dumb. I don't really write anything worthwhile or smart. I guess I should be reading less Nora Roberts and more....... well more of some smart author. I have to admit though, right now about all I can take is brain candy.

I discovered a new addiction. Diet Pepsi Jazz in Caramel Cream flavor. That stuff is yummy. I have some in the fridge. Needless to say I am back on caffeine but I only drink one a day. I knew I couldn't last the whole 9 months. I never can. My other kids came out okay so I am not worried.

My daugher has seem to have found the foreign language section of the library while I have been online. She is carrying around books written in Japanese. Now, I consider myself a good reader but I can't read that. I guess I better go help her.

She lives!!!!

2007-03-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

I only have a few minutes but I thought I would post a little something. Let's see........

I am 20 weeks preggo and showing and feeling little baby kicks so that's fun. In a few weeks I will FINALLY find out the sex of the baby. I have to. I am way too impatient to wait 4 and 1/2 more months.

I caved in and bought a bottle of diet Dr. Pepper on Saturday. Let me tell you it was heaven in a bottle. I love that stuff. Yummmm!!!! I keep dreaming that I am drinking wine. I won't cave in on that one. I am way too paranoid to do that. Even if one little sip would probably do no harm to my little fetus, I am not taking any chances. I am so strict!!!

I watched an episode of Engaged and Underage on MTV(I was bored...shut up). It featured a really young( I mean they looked like they were 12 years old) LDS couple who were preparing for their temple wedding. The groom's side of the family were not LDS and I felt so bad for his poor mother who could not even see her son get married while all her family were able to. A few years ago I would have said something like "Well, they should just be mormon then" but oh not now. I just kept thinking that the whole temple wedding thing is so unfair to nonmember family members. Well, unfair isn't a strong enough word but I can't think of any other way to describe it. I guess I could say it's pretty shitty. Yeah, that sounds about right. I am so glad I got married so all my friends and family could be there. I didn't regret it as a TBM and I don't regret it now!!

I got a nice copy of the Ensign magazine with a temple on the cover. Thanks mom!!!!! That subscription will come in handy if I ever need to line a bird cage with something!!

Well, I think I am almost out of time here. Damn it I wish I wasn't a computer murderer!! Having no internet at home really sucks. I really feel out of the loop on everything!!

Online for the weekend!

2007-02-03T17:36:00.000-08:00

My dear, sweet, husband was able to bring home a computer from his work, but just for the weekend. I think they said specifically "Only for the weekend, we don't want your wife ruining our computers again" At least that's what happens in my mind when I think of what they said to my husband when he asked to take the computer home.

Unfortunately, this month away hasn't given me loads of things to write about. Everything is pretty much the same except my stomach is getting bigger and I stopped throwing up. Woohoo!!!

I am still an secret ex-mo(I haven't officially resigned but I still think of myself as exmo, it's more fun that way!!)

I still watch way too much tv.

I still miss my Diet Dr Pepper and any alcoholic beverages.

So someone PLEASE drink something yummy for me!! Then describe it in great detail. Good enough detail that I can actually taste it! And possibly even get a good buzz off of it! I know, I know, dream on!!!

Just doing our taxes

2007-01-27T12:39:00.000-08:00

So I can also say Hi!!! I hope no one forgot about me!!

No internet!! Again!!

2007-01-06T11:51:00.000-08:00

Our loaner computer conked out so now we have no computer at home that works. I think I am a computer murderer!!

So I won't be posting much for awhile. I know my witty reparte will be sorely missed!! ;)

Things that suck!

2006-12-27T19:39:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's been one of those days. So some things that I think suck are:

1-Morning sickness
2-Internet outtages
3-People who brag about all the expensive shit they got for Christmas
4-Cable outtages
5-The easy-listening radio station
6-I have no chocolate in the house
7-I haven't had any alcohol in over 3 months
8-I haven't had a DDP in about the same
9-Car problems
10-All those damn weight-loss and credit counseling commercials
11-My brother and sister-in-laws' IVF didn't work.
12-People who try to tell me how to live my life, I don't care who they are.
13-Migraines
14-Writer's block
15-My list! Because all the things I thought of before I started writing seem to have escaped from my memory. I guess there will have to be another installment another day!

Happy Holidays!!

2006-12-24T09:12:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Happy Kwanza!

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Birthday!(if you happen to have a birthday today or tomorrow)

Happy Regular Old Sunday and Monday!

Happy Gift Giving Day!

Whatever you choose to celebrate or not celebrate I hope you have a great day today and tomorrow. December 24th and 25th.

I'm nice!

2006-12-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

Even though I feel sick and tired. I gave into dh's request. I am the best wife ever!!!

I have to admit I had a good time! Rarrrrrrrrrrr...........!!!!!!

Just Checking in...

2006-12-20T20:41:00.000-08:00

I don't have anything to write about. I just came on here to check out other people's blogs. I am down with OPG! "Yeah you know me" Sorry, just channeling Naughty By Nature's OPP and putting my own little spin on it. Been feeling a little nostalgic for my rap phase lately. Circa 1991. That's when it started anyway. Did you know I used to be a "Gangsta Bitch"? I'd buy my pants 3 sizes too big and where them with tank tops and big freakin shoes. Ah, good times. I got my fashion sense from the girl group TLC. "Don't go chasing waterfalls" I don't think, for something like 4 or five years, I bought anything but hip hop/ R&B cds. I guess I was a wannabe. Now I am a "Used-to-be"

Peace!

Nothing much.

2006-12-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

Grouchiness is abundant in our home tonight.

I am grouchy because my kids tried to open their presents a week early. Then they went into the bedroom, after I threatened to take their presents back, and started jumping on the bed. So I went in there and yelled at them for jumping on the bed after I have told them like a million times not to. I told them they had to get off the bed and sit on the floor if they wanted to watch TV in there. The next thing I know my oldest comes running up to me telling me her little sister just spilled her chocolate milk on the bed. UGH!!!!! So I again yelled at them that they weren't supposed to be on the bed at all and certainly not with chocolate milk. Then a few minutes later, after I had cleaned up the spilled milk they come running to me because they saw a cockroach!! Now dh is grouchy because I made him kill it because I will not touch those vile things even if my hand was wrapped in plastic, had gloves on over the plastic and I had a mountain of tissue in my hand. I HATE them!!!! Gross!! Where did it come from. I try to keep my apartment clean. It must have come in to get away from the rain. I don't know but now I will have trouble sleeping tonight and that means I will be grouchy again tomorrow.

The only people happy in our home are the kids who keep singing "Jingle Bell Rock" without getting the words right. Why are they happy? I just yelled at them like 3 times!! Either they have short memories or are very easy-going, forgiving girls.

******TMI ALERT******
Dh is going to want to do "something" tonight but I am NOT in the mood. He got some last night, that should hold him for a few days right? He's lucky he got any at all this weekend. I have not felt very romantic lately what with wanting to barf all the time. Plus I am grouchy from having kids that didn't want to listen today. He's gonna have to bribe me or something. Not sure with what though. We are broke until January. And it doesn't make me a hooker to want compensation! Or does it! Not sure I care.

I hate this part of being pregnant. Usually I am always up for sex. I just don't feel like me right now. I just feel like this vehicle for some parasite to suck the life out of me. I promise I will love my baby. It's just easier to love it for the miracle it is when the nausea part goes away. I told dh that if he wants another kid he better figure out how to carry it. I said that last time too and lookey where I am now.

Sorry this post is one big ramble but that really shouldn't surprise anyone. Rambling on and on is what I do best! Besides it's been one of those day!!

Am I weird??

2006-12-15T19:11:00.000-08:00

I have been tagged by Christy to list 6 things that make me weird. I am okay with being tagged since I have been having writers block. So here goes nothing!

1- Before I put the dishes in the dishwasher I have to rinse them off thoroughly and that usually means with dishsoap. So basically my dishes get washed twice, first by hand and second, through the dishwasher. Which also means it takes me a pretty long time to load the dishwasher.

2- I have to cut every ounce of fat off the chicken breasts. I try to get out all the tendons too. That stuff makes me gag and if I see it in my chicken anywhere I can't eat it. My husband teases me that I waste a lot of good chicken meat cutting it like I do. He would say that because he eats it until the bone is clean!! Gross!! So the only chicken breasts I buy are ones that are already taken off the bone and skinned. Then I spend 20 minutes cutting the fat and tendons off. Yeah it takes me forever to cook dinner when we eat chicken.

3- I can't sleep with my feet covered with a blanket. I always have them sticking out of the blankets. Even when it's cold. For those cold nights I wear socks. That doesn't bother me, only having them covered with a blanket bothers me.

4- I hate it when the cabinet doors and closet doors are left open. It drives me insane. My husband is very guilty of opening things and then not closing them. In fact as I look into the kitchen right now there are cupboards open and I can not finish this until I go close them. Sheesh! Is it so hard to close the damn cupboards!! If I stumbled in there at night for water or something I could bang my head on them and then I would be even more pissy than normal.

5- I like to eat the chocolate off my candy bars first, then go for the peanuts, caramel and nougat on the inside. It gets sticky but it's very enjoyable and makes the candy bars last longer! And speaking of food, whenever I get fast food I like to eat the french fries first and then the sandwich! And I can eat cream cheese straight from the package! I love it that much!

6- I have a Peter Pan complex. I still like watching cartoons. I love my daughters' Barbie movies. I love eating "kids" cereal like Cocoa Puffs and Lucky Charms. I still think of Christmas like I did when I was a kid. I still like to blast music out of our car windows. That's going to look really strange once we have that mini-van!! I still watch those teeny bopper movies. I love playing with toys! I can't wait to play with the toys we get our girls for Christmas.

Wow, it's kind of hard to come up with weird things about me. It took me over half an hour to write this post. I probably could have just asked my husband what makes me weird but I have a feeling I wouldn't be able to shut him up!!

I don't really have anyone to tag. So if you are reading this and feel so inclined, go ahead and write what makes you weird on your blog!! And send me the link, if I don't already have it!!

Fewer posts!

2006-12-12T20:44:00.000-08:00

If anyone else is wondering, I haven't been posting as much because I am seriously having an aversion to the internet. Somehow my all-day sickness has crossed over into my internet activities. So now, not only does food make me feel sick, so does the internet! It's really weird!!

As for my activities on the DAMU I have just been feeling like I am past all of that now. It might be the internet aversion so don't be surprised if I show up there again when I am feeling better. But I really do think I am on my way to being postmormon! Yay!!!! I still plan to check in on my friends from time to time. Especially once I feel better. Oh and I have been thinking that a lot of people might not know who I am over at NOM or FLAK. My screen name is dietdrpepper there. If anyone wants to know who doesn't know.

As for my blog, I will still try to post but I doubt it will be everyday. At least until I feel better. I know this will be bad news to some(wink, wink) but try to get through it!! ;)

Okay I need to go now. I REALLY need to go!!

Kit Kats

2006-12-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

Man I love Kit Kats! Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar!!

Sorry, but for some reason eating this Kit Kat has put me in a good, kinda silly, mood.

You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

2006-12-09T16:18:00.000-08:00

Just listening to "Hotel California" That(the title of this post) is my favorite line.

Last night I had a dream that I was Steven Tyler's girlfriend. We met at an Aerosmith concert and he liked the boots I was wearing so much he invited me backstage. Not sure how he noticed my boots in the first place. Once we were backstage he sat me at a table and gave me some Scotch. I told him I couldn't drink it because I was pregnant. He got all excited and asked if I wanted a boy. From then on I toured with him and Aerosmith. I guess I was a groupie/girlfriend. At the end of my dream Steven Tyler got depressed during a concert and quit right in the middle. I had to track him down along with Joe Perry, played in my dream by Ritchie Sambora of Bon Jovi(I don't know why), and convince him to start the concert up again. He was happy to see me, I guess he thought I was gone, and immediately returned to finish the concert.

Okay, now I do love Aerosmith but I don't have any kind of a crush on Steven Tyler, though I do think he's awesome. Plus he is my dad's age. I guess I will just chalk this up to one of those weird pregnant woman dreams.

I'm Tired....

2006-12-07T13:12:00.000-08:00

I am tired for a lot of reasons:
-I am tired because I am growing a human being inside of me.
-I am tired because the neighbor's damn dogs woke me up with their extremely loud barking
-I am tired because my two daughters are full of life and energy and are wearing me out!
-I am tired of worrying about whether we should fix our car and then not be able to buy Christmas presents or drive it like it is, worrying that it will break down again any minute, so that we can buy Christmas presents for the kids who totally deserve some new toys.(Why do cars have to break down in December anyway?)
-I am tired of talking about all the bad things in Mormonism. There are some good things, my extended family for example. Sometimes when I or others criticize the church I feel I am criticizing my own family, who doesn't deserve it because they have never done anything but love and support us. I think I talk and think more about Mormonism now then I ever did as a believer. I really am tired of it. I am going to try to stop. It's old news now. Live and let live!
-My ass is tired from sitting on this hard chair while typing on the computer.
-I am tired because every time I turn on the news I hear extremely sad news. God bless the Kim family! Pregnant women shouldn't watch sad news or they end up crying all day.
-I am tired of having this all-day sickness(AKA: Morning sickness) I am longing for the day when my beloved pizza and my beloved coconut shrimp will sound good again.
-I am tired because I miss my parents and siblings terribly especially around the holidays. Sometimes I wish I didn't live so far away.
-I am tired because of all the intolerance in the world. Again I say "Live and let live"
-I am tired because I gave up caffeine when I found out I was pregnant. I miss my Diet Dr Pepper!!(trying to end on a lighter note!)

Song stuck in my head!!

2006-12-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

For some reason I have this song stuck in my head. At least it's not "Put your shoulder to the wheel" again!!

The Beautiful People

I don't want you and I don't need you
don't bother to resist, I'll beat you
It's not your fault that you're always wrong
the weak ones are there to justify the strong

the beautiful people, the beautiful people
it's all relative to the size of your steeple
you can't see the forest for the trees
you can't smell your own shit on your knees

Hey you, what do you see?
something beautiful, something free?
hey you, are you trying to be mean?
if you live with apes man, it's hard to be clean

there's no time to discriminate,
hate every motherfucker
that's in your way
the worms will live in every host
it's hard to pick which one they eat most

the horrible people, the horrible people
it's as anatomic as the size of your steeple
capitalism has made it this way,
old-fashioned fascism will take it away

-Marilyn Manson

Man...

2006-12-05T20:56:00.000-08:00

I really want to post something but I just can not think of a damn thing to write about. I have been staring at this computer for 5 minutes trying to think of something to say. It makes me wonder how everyone else does it. How do they come up with something new and interesting to talk about every single day? I guess they probably have a life outside of their homes and apartments.

Tonight for example, I was watching a Sex and the City rerun on TBS. Like is usual in this show, the main characters, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda were talking about men and sex. I was watching this and had a smile on my face and dh noticed and said "you must really be enjoying your show" I was. Because I love the friendship these characters have. I want 3 or more friends like that. Friends I can chat with about life, love, sex and men. Friends that won't say "Oh that's to sacred to talk about" or "I don't think this conversation is apppropriate". I don't have any friends like that, at least not in real life. So I told dh that the reason I was smiling was because I was thinking that it must be so cool to have friends like that. Maybe if I did I would have more interesting things to write about.

It's not that easy for me to make friends IRL. Unlike my online persona I am really shy in person. I am not outgoing so I just can't go up to women and try to inject myself into their lives. I have a huge fear of rejection. That they will look at me like I am the grossest thing they have ever seen and tell me to leave them the hell alone. So basically I am waiting for someone to approach me. It's getting me nowhere but I just don't know how to train myself to be outgoing and to get over my fear of rejection. I think my fear comes from a few friends I had back in elementary school who were my friends to my face but behind my back they made fun of me and told everyone they just pretended to be my friend to keep their mom's off my back. And because I wanted their friendship so badly, I let them talk me into doing mean things to others. Like my true best friend. They told me if I continued to be her friend they wouldn't like me anymore. So I took that to heart and treated her like shit so these other "Friends" would still like me. Eventually I found out what they were saying behind my back and I quit hanging out with them. Luckily my real friend forgave me for the awful way I treated her and we became best friends again. Anyway, I think that time in my life has a lot to do with why I have such troubles now. It sucks but I don't know what to do.

Well, it looks like I found something to say afterall! I was hoping that when I started typing that the words would just come!!

Finally..

2006-12-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

I finally found something I can eat without gagging. Blue, bubblegum flavored, popsicles. We bought some today. Well they came in a variety pack with strawberry, banana, and green apple flavors. The bubblegum ones are especially delicious! Yum!!

Dh gets a kick out of watching me eat them. I wonder why...... ;)

What to write, what to write.

2006-12-01T18:27:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to think of anything to write about. I am sure everyone is sick of me talking about my pregnancy. I know it seems like such a mormon thing to do. Well, I actually know non-mormons who talk about nothing but kids and pregnancy, if they happen to be pregnant so I know mormon women don't have a monopoly on talking unceasingly on those topics.

Honestly though, I just don't have all that much to write about. I guess I could come here and complain about some annoyance but I really just want to think positive thoughts right now. I am getting kind of sick of all the negativity I have been reading lately. Sometimes I just want to shake people and say "Lighten Up!!!" I even have to say that to myself sometimes. Luckily with the pregnancy(sorry) my PMS has disappeared so I don't have that PMS depression I usually get every month so my outlook has been a lot brighter lately. It's nice not feeling useless, paranoid, sad, angry, hysterical and negative for a whole week every month.And the migraines! Good riddance to those for 9 months too!!I wish that would disappear forever and not come back when my periods do. I guess I'll see then!!

So I am not sure when I will write again. Could be tomorrow, could be two days from now, or it could even be a week from now. I hope it's not too long. I really enjoy writing my thoughts.

Strange

2006-11-28T18:43:00.000-08:00

Okay so I am going through this morning sickness thing. It's not fun and it's getting weird. Not only do I have an aversion to most food but I seem to have an aversion to the internet. Seriously, the thought of booting up the computer and coming online to post on my blog, reading and posting in the DAMU, checking my email and various other websites, has almost sent me running to the porcelain God. The thought is making me ill. Yet here I am posting. I figure I still have to eat even if food is gross, so I also still need to have my internet time. I am sure it's just the fact that I don't feel well and nothing is fun when you feel like shit. So maybe in that way it's not so weird. But then I remember when I was pregnant with my first, there were certain songs on the radio that made me ill. One that to this day I still can't listen too without feeling sick is that song by Pink "Get This Party Started" or something like that. There were a few other songs to but I like them now.

I also all of a sudden was very annoyed by a lady I worked with. A lady who had never bothered me before, in fact I liked her a lot before I got pregnant(with my first). Then when the morning sickness kicked in she really started bugging me. She couldn't say anything or do anything that I didn't roll my eyes and wish I could smack her. Luckily I hid it well. I can be a great actress when I want to be.

Anyway I just think it's interesting that for me, morning sickness(all-day sickness, who am I kidding) is more than just food aversions. Does this happen to other women too?

Sorry for another post on my pregnancy woes. Just roll your eyes and say "Not that boring pregnant lady shit again" I swear I don't blame anyone for thinking that!

Don't Cry

2006-11-26T13:18:00.000-08:00

I took a little trip down memory lane. I pulled out my Guns and Roses Use Your Illusion I and listened to Don't Cry. I love this song!

Don't Cry:

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

It tastes like butt!!

2006-11-26T10:01:00.000-08:00

My dd's woke up before I did and by the time I woke up dh had already given them cereal Fruity Pebbles to be exact. So I come out of the bedroom and see that my oldest daughter has spilled hers on the couch. I asked her why she did that and she said "Because the blue ones taste like butt!"

I am still laughing about this. Neither dh nor I have ever used this expression. I also don't have the foggiest idea how she figured they tasted like butt. Ah, the things kids come up with!

WTF! (Warning: TMI)

2006-11-25T18:25:00.000-08:00

No, not in regards to something astonishing I learned about Mormonism but in regards to my bloated belly!
At least I hope it's bloating and not me showing already at 7 weeks. I would be freaking HUGE by the time this pregnancy ended. I remember, vaguely, this happening the last two times but it has still caught me by surprise. My pants are getting tighter. I don't want to wear the maternity pants with the huge panel that covers your whole belly. When I am pregnant I can't stand for anything to be on my belly. I would always pull those panels down when I was at home only pulling them up again out in public. I am going to try and get some pants that either don't have a panel at all or have the panel that fits just under your belly. I don't think it will be that hard to find. I need some new shirts too. Oh fun I get to go shopping!!

Yep, that's me!

2006-11-24T11:26:00.000-08:00

I am the one who annoys you. Or at least the though of someone like me annoys you. Here's why and by the way, I am proud to annoy you.

I just finished putting my Christmas tree up. I did it while it listening to Christmas Carols. Now I am sitting here, typing this post, eating leftover apple pie and listening to Christmas Carols. And I am so happy. I love Christmas time. It's like my other arm, I feel complete when Christmas time rolls around. I am at my corniest, cheesiest best at Christmas. I love everything about it, the lights, the trees, the music, the Christmas cheer, the shopping, the Nativity scenes, the excitment, the presents both receiving and giving of said presents, the Christmas decorations at the mall or down at Bayfront Park. I love the Christmas specials especially, Charlie Brown, The Grinch, Rudolph, and Christmas Vacation. I love seeing the tree in Rockefellar Center on T.V and hope so badly that one day I will see it in person. I even love, when I visit Utah, going to Temple Square. Not for the temple but for the lights and the hustle and bustle. We always go out to dinner and do a little shopping. The best part is being with my family who lives there. I have such awesome memories of Christmas in Utah. I am sad that we won't be able to go there this year. Hopefully we can next year.
Since I still consider myself Christian I love all the religious aspects of Christmas too. I can't explain why I still feel Christian. I guess since I never really believed in Mormonism but have always believed in Jesus it wasn't hard to not let go of that once I let go of Mormonism. They don't go hand in hand for me.
Anyway, I don't think I mentioned Santa Claus but I love that part of Christmas too. Who cares if he's not real. The concept of a man who is so giving makes my heart happy. I wish I could be Santa Claus. I wish I had so much money that I could make sure every child on this planet has a nice Christmas. Not going to happen but it's a nice idea. For now I will just concentrate on giving my kids a nice Christmas. They love the tree so they are already having fun.

Yeah, I love starting to celebrate Christmas a month early. Sometimes I wish it could always be Christmas but I realize that would make it less special to me. Sorry if that's annoying.........wait, no I'm not!! :)

Thankful

2006-11-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

I guess I should write about what I am thankful for though what I would most be thankful for right now is a cure for morning, wtf let's call a spade a spade, all day sickness. So anyway, here's my list as corny as I can make it:

-I am thankful for my husband who sticks by me during my bitchiest PMS days and now through my whiniest pregnancy days. He's a saint!
-I am thankful for my two daughters who are beautiful, smart, funny, creative and love life! It's hard not to break into a huge cheesy grin when they come into the room.
-I am thankful for my extended family who love and support us.
-I am thankful for my friends as few and far between as they are.
-I am thankful for my online friends for being so helpful and supportive as I have gone on this very interesting, sometimes heartbreaking journey of losing my religion. And for making me laugh so hard I shoot whatever beverage I happen to be drinking out my nose!
-I am thankful for music.
-I am thankful for books.
-I am thankful for chocolate. Yum!
-I am thankful for this new life that is growing inside of me even though right now it's making me sick and a little tired.

There's a lot I am thankful for but it seems every time I try to make a list like this I forget something.Which means that this post won't be too long! That is something whoever reads this should be thankful for! ;)

Oh and Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone eats 'til they bust!

What were we thinking?

2006-11-21T19:22:00.000-08:00

Now I remember why I wanted my last pregnancy over quickly. I am starting to feel nauseated and I have no appetite. I am already sick of it but I have at least 6 more weeks of this lovely feeling. Of course once this baby starts getting bigger I will then have the problem of heart burn and acid reflux. Yep, the amnesia is clearing up. I am starting to remember all the things I hate about being pregnant. Time to stock up on the TUMs again! I also need to prepare myself for getting blood drawn and drinking the awful sugar water for the glucose test. Then of course there is the labor which is unbelievably painful. I don't have a clear memory on that yet but I know in 34 weeks I will be rudely reminded. I hope they have the drugs ready I am going to want my epidural!!

There are things I am looking forward to. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time. Feeling the first movements. Finding out the sex. Yeah I find out early. I am way to impatient to wait until the birth. And of course I look forward to seeing my baby for the first time and bonding with him or her. But.......... In the meantime............. I want this nausea to go away!!!!! ICK!!!

Too Sad.

2006-11-20T19:39:00.000-08:00

I am really too sad to think of anything to post about. My brother and SiL found out today that the IVF didn't work. My heart is breaking for them and I am very fearful of putting salt in their wounds with my surprise pregnancy. How unfair it must seem to them. My mom said that they are happy for me. I am sure a part of them is. I am sure it is hard for them to be happy about anything right now, especially my being pregnant. I still think that my news should be their news. I am happy to be pregnant but they deserve it more and I know they want it more.

Sometimes life just fucking sucks!

Why my angst is almost Nil.

2006-11-19T11:57:00.000-08:00

I was born and raised Mormon. I lived the life of a good mormon girl for at least 18 years. So why am I not as angry as some. I have read about and talked to a lot of people who are so angry at the church for deceiving them and when I hear their life stories I can understand why they are so angry. So what happened to me. Why do I mostly feel like I always did before my disaffection? Why do I still think fondly of growing up in Utah? Why am I one of the few people who don't mind going to Utah or wouldn't mind living in Utah again someday? Why am I not more pissed off at being decieved?

I like to credit a lot of it with my laid-back personality. I went through the motions of having a testimony but I don't think I ever took the church seriously. I also credit my parents who weren't overly strict with us kids. Yeah they didn't want me swearing, drinking, smoking, doing drugs, having sex before marriage, dating before I was 16 and watching R-Rated movies(though they did let the occasional R-Rated movie into the house). They wanted me to be active in church, read my BoM and marry a man in the temple. That is pretty common with most TBM mormon parents and what they want for their children. The things they might differ a little bit on with other TBM mormon parents is they let us wear tank tops, bikinis(though they preferred tankinis). They let us get our ears pierced more than once if we wanted, they didn't care if we had friends who weren't LDS, in fact they really encouraged those friendships. Maybe having non-member family members helped with that a little too. The ward I grew up in was pretty laid back too. My favorite bishop was a former California surfer dude who when he went with us to girls camp didn't hesitate to jump into Bear Lake in his swimsuit and swim. He is also the bishop that later married my husband and me in my grandparents back yard and he told me that he thought I had picked a good man to marry. Now being that my husband isn't LDS, I really thought that was a great compliment. Seriously he was the least judgemental bishop I had ever known.

My parents never told me that my most important goal was to get married and have babies, though of course they thought it was important. Mostly what I heard growing up was "if you don't do better in school you will never get into a good college and then you won't get a decent job". I should have listened!! :)

Then when I got married to my husband they supported me, my home ward supported me and my friends supported me. Of course they all hold out some hope that eventually he will convert and take me and our kids to the temple but they werent' going to let that stop them from welcoming my husband into the family. Obviously that isn't going to happen(dh converting) as I am pretty much out myself, but they don't know that. I still won't tell them because as laid back and understanding as they are I think my leaving the church is where they draw the line. As I said in a previous post I just don't have it in me to hurt them like that. They obviously don't deserve it. And if any group of people are the epitome of what this church SHOULD be like, it 's them and for that reason I will not hurt them either.

So anyway, after I turned 18 I still thought I was a believer but that is when my long stretch into inactivity started minus the 3 years I moved back in with my parents and went to church with them and my mom, who was YW's President gave me a job in that organization. But once I moved out again I rarely went to church.

Don't get me wrong there are times I do get a little miffed at the church, like the first time I read the JoD and when I heard about JS wife collection and all the things he did to get those wives. I get mad when I think about the priesthood ban and why they aren't letting women have it. I get mad when they want me to try and help pass a ban on Gay marriage. Yeah I do get a little miffed but it quickly goes away and I am fine.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my past in the church and I have wondered how much I really ever believed any of it. I have come to the conclusion that I never had a testimony. I never had some percieved happy feeling about the church being true and I do trust my feelings a lot. I used to pretend to have a testimony. Didn't want to be left out, but I honestly never felt it. I never really thought the WoW was that big of a deal and I really only thought that the stuff about smoking and eating meat sparingly made any sense. I took it as suggestions only not commandment. In fact I pretty much held up the whole D&C as one big opinion piece. I never took it seriously. I used to think the BoM might be true, but I never really knew for sure because I have never read it all the way through. Not once. I think the last time I tried I only got to the middle of Alma. But while reading that much I never felt anything but bored. I never got my patriarchal blessing. My parents kept asking me if I wanted to and I always said "Not right now". I never felt any desire to get one. Eventually they stopped bringing it up.

I never sought out RM's to date in fact I avoided them like the plague. When they are first off their missions, RM's can be very goody goody and annoying. It's like they are still trying hard to have the light of Christ in their lives. I just wanted to date regular guys who would take me to a movie no matter what the rating and wouldn't insist on saying a prayer before leaving. Now I am all for prayer but c'mon!! I guess a lot of LDS TBM women would find that endearing. I found it annoying! Not that I had a lot of RM's banging at my door. I wasn't really their type. So it wasn't too surprising when I met and later married a non-mormon. At least not surprising to me. A few other things that made me not your typical TBM,

-I never ever wanted to attend BYU. For sports I was always a Ute fan! I knew I would never be able to stand attending BYU. Too many rules!!

-I am not really a homemaker type woman, though ironically I am a SAHM. But as SAHM's go I am only good at it in the sense that I spend a lot of time with my kids and am trying to teach them all the necessary things to make them Kindergarten stand-outs. I am not much of a cook, I hate cleaning and I don't own a crockpot! Maybe that's all a big stereotype but I knew enough SAHMs or homemakers, whatever you want to call them, who tried so hard to be wonder mom!

-I don't do crafts or scrapbooking. I've been invited to Enrichment but I never go. I really don't need anything made with tin cans and cotton balls. All I need is to color with my girls! I can do that at home.

So I guess all those things add up to me being pretty much angst free about the church with the exception of some occasional twinges. I am so happy about that because I can't imagine living a life of anger and resentment. I don't want to do that. The whole point of me getting out of the church was to actually make my life happier and more fulfilling. I am still working on that but it's mostly for reasons not even related to disaffected mormon angst!

Driving

2006-11-18T15:28:00.000-08:00

I know every city claims the worst drivers in the world but I think we in Miami take the cake. Today we drove down to Florida City to grocery shop. It's about 20 miles away from our apartment give or take a few miles. On the way there I got cut off more times than I can count. There was one car that was trying to cross from one side of US1 to the other. Let's see they were going from the east side to the west side lanes. Well they got to the west lane and their whole front end was sticking out into traffic. They just sat there. Why they didn't continue all the way into the lane and drive south like they were supposed to I have absolutely no idea. So all of us cars already going south had to creep into the other lane to go around these fucking idiots.

Driving here is always a gamble. People ask if I gamble and I say "Yeah, with my life everytime I drive anywhere". There is always a car stopped in the lane letting people off. People are always driving slow for a few reasons, 1- they are on their cell phones, 2- they are reading their newpapers or mail, 3-they are too busy pointing at some site to look ahead and drive.

Today there was a jeep that was just sitting there in the far left lane not moving. So I am thinking her car stalled or something. No she is looking down into her lap at something so fascinating(I don't want to know) that she didn't notice all the cars in front of her had left her far behind.

No one uses their blinker and if they do they use it wayyyyyy before they need to. They will put their blinkers on to turn then pass 4 or 5 streets or entry ways before they actually turn. To me that defeats the whole purpose of using the turn signal. It still leaves me and anyone else on the road, guessing what the hell they are going to do next. I guess none of them have ever heard of the 3 second rule. So in Miami I don't trust blinkers. No one ever uses them like they are supposed to.

Okay so this isn't dangerous, well in the sense that it could kill me, but I am really scared of any mini-van or SUV or any car for that matter, I pull up behind that has one or more of these bumper stickers:

Please don't really click on that.

Or has a confederate flag somewhere on it. I know that doesn't necessarily mean "KKK, White Supremecist" but better safe than sorry!

"Shudder......."

Ahhhh

2006-11-17T20:18:00.000-08:00

It's finally cooled off a little! The humidity is down and it should get into the 60's tonight!

I am so excited.

The Weekend is Here!

2006-11-17T19:56:00.000-08:00

The weekend is here and once again we are doing absolutely nothing! Tomorrow we will go grocery shopping. I will try to get a few things for Thanksgiving but we will not be having a Thanksgiving like the ones I had growing up. There will be no big-ass turkey. I will just get one of those Turkey roasts. There will be no huge spread of salads, desserts, and side dishes. I can mash up some pototoes and buy a can of gravy and those sara lee pies in the frozen food section are pretty good. Anyway tomorrow grocery shopping and Sunday lounging around watching whatever sappy movie marathon is on Lifetime.
Yeah, we don't have much of a social life. We are just a family of homebodies. We are very anti-social. We have lived here for over 3 years and still have no close friends to "hang" with. Dh doesn't care. He likes being a loner. I, on the other hand, wish we had at least 1 friend. Well, we have friends but they don't live anywhere near us so what I mean is I wish we had at least one friend who lived near us. Yeah just imagine us going around with L's for loser on our foreheads!!

Okay enough feeling sorry for myself. Whine, whine, whine, seems like that's all I do.

Okay since I really am not saying anything, I am just going to end this.

Beer

2006-11-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, since I am pregnant and paranoid I will not have even a drop of alcohol until this pregnancy is over. And probably beyond that because I will be breastfeeding. My dilemma now is that I have 4 bottles of beer in the fridge and dh doesn't want them so I have no idea what to do with them. Anyone have any good recipes that use beer? I am not much of a cook but I don't want it to go to waste. If I had known I was going to get pregnant I would have drank them faster! Maybe had one big beer night. Oh well!

The only think I can think of making is beer pancakes. My grandpa used to make them for us when I was a kid. The problem is pancakes don't sound very appealing to me right now. I think I could make them once and then be sick of them.

I guess I can wash my hair with it. I have heard that beer is a good hair cleanser.

What other uses are there for beer, other than drinking it?

It's Raining!

2006-11-15T22:29:00.000-08:00

It's raining pretty hard right now. There is also really loud thunder. I love storms like this. I don't mind the thunder but I am afraid of it waking up my kids. They are light sleepers like me.
I also saw that it is still 79 degrees outside. Which because of the rain, means it is humid. I can feel it actually. Even with the A/C on it is a little steamy in the apartment. I am so looking forward to the end of this unbearable humidity. I saw on the news that we are getting a cold front this weekend. Which means I will be sighing with relief, opening all the windows and breathing the air without choking on it. All of the people who were born here or have lived here long enough to get used to the heat and humidity will be bundled up in their jackets. I should say that a cold front for this part of the country is 75 degrees during the day. Yeah, brrrrrrr! ;)

This is the last post until tomorrow I swear!!

Give Me Novacaine

2006-11-15T20:33:00.000-08:00

Boy do I feel like this sometimes!!

Take away the sensation
Inside my bittersweet migraine in my head
It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind,
I can't take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling
This sensations over whelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
And tell me everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
Give me novacaine
Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling and that's alright
Drain the pressure from the swelling
This sensation's over whelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
And everything will be alright
Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing

-Green Day